(Closed) Hilarious husband text messages

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@anotherbee: Lmao, my Fiance talks in his sleep sometimes as well but that is hysterical!

Post # 18
Member
4005 posts
Honey bee

OMG, these are all hilarious. Please keep them coming! 

@Mrs Grape: What DID you do with that one?

Post # 19
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Hahahaha!  These are great! 

Post # 20
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I just took a quick look at our text messages to see if there was anything good…Not so much.  Because he works during the day and I go to school at night, all messages are us communicating whether or not the dogs have pooped!

 

Post # 21
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My husband sent me a text about an hour ago that said, “I’m sorry you’re having a bad day, but I thought I’d help make it better, I remembered to flush :)”

Post # 22
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Mrs Grape: Haha omg this happened to Fiance too!! Out cat loved to drink out of the toilet and one day he tried to do it while Fiance was taking care of business. Fiance texted me “I just PEED on the cat!! WTF do I do now?” I was in class and started cracking up during lecture… we must have similarly dumb cats lol. Needless to say our cat doesn’t even go in our bathroom anymore haha.

 

Post # 23
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

One of my favorites I ever got from him was–“I can’t talk right now because I’m in the dressing room at Lane Bryant.”  He was trying on spanx for his Halloween costume, but I thought it was so hilarious and something I never thought I would hear from him.

Post # 24
Member
388 posts
Helper bee

Ah… So many funny messages! I love them all! I don’t think we’re that funny! The funniest one that I’ve got was when our dog had an accident in our old apartment… he sent me a picture of the poo & and it was shaped like a butterfly! 

 

Post # 25
Member
4685 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

@Mrs Grape: omg!!!!! lmao!!!!!! thats hilarious!!!!!!!

 

I dont have any real funny ones but more cute if anything. i told him the other day “god im so stressed today! i just cant get it together!”  so he said “get your head on straight little spoon!!! 🙂 ”  and of course i had a duh moment and was like little spoon????? whaaaaattt????   then he explained that i was the little spoon and he was th big spoon when we cuddled….ohhhhhhh lol i ruined his attempt at a sweet little message.

Post # 26
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Bahahah! We’re emailers, and we always try to one up on closing lines “your ever-patient wife” etc. His best one: The man who always puts the seat down. 🙂

Post # 27
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@2PeasinaPod: I called him and was like, “Wait, wtf?” 

Apparently, the cat just ran and hid. The thought of him cleaning himself still grosses me out…

Post # 28
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@natbug21: OH MAN! The worst part is, our cat STILL lurks whenever one of us is in the bathroom. He sits on the toilet and scratches at the tank. I guess he just likes the toilet a whole lot, I don’t even know.

Post # 29
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hilarious!

Post # 30
Member
5323 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

These are hilarious! I didn’t get home until about 10pm Monday night. DH sends me this text as I’m just about to get off the highway:

I’m malnourished and wearing a potato sack. I wish you would’ve left out some dry food and kept the toilet seat up.

Post # 31
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am dying here about the cats and toilet thing!!! I had a cat pee on someone once but never a cat being peed on.

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