(Closed) Hilarious husband text messages

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@StormyRose: Now, that’s a new one–I’ve never heard of a cat actually peeing on someone. Do tell!

Post # 34
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Mrs Grape: I had a cat named Sassy. This is going back many years when I had a roommate. My roommatte brought this guy over that she was dating, I personally didn’t like him and apparently neither did my cat. She walked up to him, meowed, and peed on him. He threw his brand new pair of pants in the trash instead of washing them. My roommate called me to tell me about it and I thought she was joking until I saw the pants in the trash when I got home from work. I still laugh about it to this day that my cat disliked someone enough to pee on them.

Post # 35
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Mrs Grape: 

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@MrsEdamame: LOL! This thread is hilarious.

The most recent one from Fiance was a photo of a VW Beetle with “::punch:: I love you.”

Post # 36
Member
2234 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Mrs Grape: hahaha… so hilarious. I just have to add, that my cat flushes the toilet. No one taught him that, and he doesn’t use it. He just flushes and runs away like it scared him….

Post # 37
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@.twist.: Haha, I love it! Cats are bizarre, man.

Post # 38
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Miss Olive:  I just got a visual of that!!!!!!!!!!  I would DIE if my husband was doing that !  Die laughing my ass off!!!

Post # 39
Member
1630 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Once DH texted me right when I was supposed to get off work and said “hurry up and get your happy ass home”. And I was like wtf? I have never heard the term “happy ass” so I was asking my co-workers what they thought the text meant and everyone agreed it meant he wanted to ‘get it on’. lol. Needless to say, when I arrived home an hour later (i work 2 minutes from home literally but got off so late) I found DH sitting by the front door, drenched in his sweat, with the dog. It was 103 that day and apparently he had gone to walk the dog and accidently locked the fronted door. Needless to say, that happy ass comment was NOT what we thought!

Post # 40
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I jokingly put “lovin’ ” on the grocery list and sent him shopping.  I got a picture message of whipped cream asking if that’s what I had in mind.  Mind you, DH and I are pretty conservative…I still blush thinking about it.

Post # 41
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Me:  GMB!!!!  (“Give me babies!!”  Our running phrase since I’m DYING to have kids, but we’re not quite there.) 

DH:  Okay, the file cabinet room is pretty secluded.  (We work in the same building.)

10 minutes later . .

DH:  ????  It’s getting kind of awkward in here.  I don’t think people understand why there’s a guy in the file room with his pants off.  

Post # 42
Member
7321 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Haha!

I got one at work from my husband that said “I didn’t know you couldn’t use dish liquid in the actual dishwasher. Our house is filled with bubbles. It’s not as fun as it sounds. Please don’t beat me!”

Post # 43
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee

Fiance texts “That awkward moment when your boss texts you to come to her office and youre at home drinking tea and eating biscotti.” Apparently, hes enjoying the perks of living 2 minutes away from his job, and pretending hes in the bathroom at work.

Post # 44
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ok so its not a text but hilarious. Ok so one night in the middle of the night my Fiance violently ripped off his pants and boxers and then whispered “I’m free”. I laughed so hard!!

Post # 45
Member
5323 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@hopefloats: LOL!!! That’s hilarious!!!

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@KatyElle: Ya, that sounds like something my DH would do too…. LOL!

I love these. I had to come back and read the new ones on the thread.

Post # 46
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

great thread ladies!  Loving reading this- wish I could contribute, but none of our funny texts are this good!!!

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