Post # 1
hi ladies! ok, so here’s my strange situation…i lost my parents years ago and am about to marry an indian man who really wants a traditional hindu wedding, but i just don’t see how that’s possible without the bride’s parents. i don’t have anyone that could stand in either — basicially its just me. any thoughts?
oh and by way of background…i’m indian too, but could honestly not care less about the ceremony — if i had my way, it would be the two of us on a beach somewhere. he is absolutely wonderful and treats me like a queen, though, and i’d hate to take away his dream of a big wedding. we are both nearly 40, so hosting the wedding isn’t the issue, but rather the logistics of how to have the ceremony without anybody on the brides side.
thanks in advance! congratulations and good luck to all you out there in wedding bee world 🙂
Post # 3
I think it’s hard to give advice without knowing what the bride’s parents’ role is in the wedding. It seems to be a bit more than just wanting their love and support on your big day. What is the role usually?
No aunts, uncles? Cousins? Siblings?
My friend had a lot of her husband’s family stand in on her side because her own family wouldn’t attend her wedding. Maybe that’s an option as well.
Post # 4
Usually in traditional hindu ceremony the bride is handed over to groom by the bride’s parents or an elder couple (who take the place of parents). From what Ive seen, requirements are they must be older than you and married to each other. So you can’t also have widowed or divorced family members performing ceremony. Perhaps you could ask an elder from your community who could stand in? or have someone that you are close and consider as family doing the honor? Good luck on your upcoming wedding!!
Post # 5
thanks for the thoughts. the problem is that there really isn’t anybody that could stand in… my mother was divorced in the 70s and sort of shunned by the indian community so i wasn’t raised so indian. all my actual aunts and uncles are back in india. i don’t really want to have random people stand in, esp when the ceremony is so significant to my fiance.
Post # 6
@coconut2012: Understand your situation. Not sure where you live but if there is a temple there, you could check with priest if they conduct ceremony and options. Sorry Im no further help, hope you find something that works for you and your Fiance.
Post # 7
Bit of a tough situation but I agree with silver1 – talk to your priest and see who can stand in. In addition, some priests are also willing to change the ceremony a bit to accommodate different cultures. Perhaps the role of the brides’ parents in a traditional sense can be changed so it’s not as important as in other Hindu ceremonies. Since your fiance’s parents would know the situation, they may be comfortable with that change if the priest is okay with it.
Also just to clarify who walks you down the aisle – I think it’s dependent on where you are from India. While parents & elders do in some Hindu marriages, many gujarati brides are walked down by their mother’s brother(s). I’ve also seen quite a few Northern Indian brides walked down by their sisters &/or female cousins, or best friends if they don’t have any. So, maybe just ask a few of your friends to walk you down the aisle?
Just a thought if the ceremony cannot be changed – Maybe a couple (like a cousin) on your fiance’s side would be willing to perform the ceremony for you.