(Closed) Hippy bridesmaid refuses to shave!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 76
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

First of all you shouldn’t assume she smells just because she doesn’t use deodorant. If you wedding doesn’t consist of a marathon, it’ll be fine 😉 just maybe avoid pictures with arms raised…

Also, c’mon, women don’t have as much hair as men do!! it won’t show in the pictures from far away. don’t worry 😉

Post # 77
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Aquaria:  “Feminsist demonstrations have no place in a wedding.” <br /><br />*Especially* the patriarchal, lose-your-rights kind! Or the child bride kind. Or the arranged-against-your-will kind! Sit down bitches. We have legal binding to do.

Side note, there is a lot of evidence (albeit no hard associations) that antiperspirant is very bad for your health. Most people don’t “need” many of the hygiene products in use.

 

 

Post # 78
Member
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Syzygy88:  So it’s fine etiquette to withdraw her word to “make a point” at someone else’s wedding? You don’t use someone else’s event as an opportunity to “make a point”. Therein lies the problem.

Post # 79
Member
594 posts
Busy bee

Aquaria:  I think her “point” is probably “I’m not going to go against my convictions just for one event”, and I don’t see what’s bad about that. For example, I’m pro-choice, and I would never wear an anti-abortion button just because it was someone’s “special” day and she wanted everyone to match – it goes against my values and beliefs. Like this hippie chick, it would be making a statement that I disagree with, and no one should be forced to do that.

Anyway, who gives a damn *why* she wants to look the way she does? That’s how she always looks, and she’s no one’s mannequin to dress up however they see fit.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  SexyCatLady.
Post # 80
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My God… wedding bee has really become a place where brides get attacked for any request and get called bridezillas!? uh no!

I’m definitely in the minoeity here but no, I wouldnt want an  unshaven bridesmaid wearing a short dress. And guess what!? We can all pretend to be pc and say it’s her right, no one will notice” but that’s all BS! Walking down the street those things are noticeable much less on high definition wedding pics. Sorry this is happening Op, its un-needed stress… the fact she said she would and now is making a stance is annoying and if it bothers you to the upmost ask her to stop step down. Yes you may be tainting your relationship but she didn’t give a damn about making a promise to you and then turning around and doing the opposite

Not an easy situation so good luck!

Furthermore, for those saying she doesn’t have  right to request – why even have bridesmaid wear a dress you pick if you can’t make requests .. so silly – maybe everyone should just show up the way they want. jeans, polos, whatever since its such an issue for the bride to ask for anything for her day .. smh ridiculous 

 

 

 

Post # 81
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Aquaria:  Your posts on this thread have been vile (and ignorant of feminism), and I hope that no lurkers/posters have been too hurt by your body-shaming.

Post # 82
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

MeandMyLouboutins:  maybe brides should be respectful of the beliefs of the people they have asked to be in their wedding party.  You know who they are and what they’re like beforehand and to tell them that’s no longer good enough because it won’t be pretty in your pictures is incredibly shallow.  If you don’t want to take other people into consideration then ELOPE.

And no, you shouldn’t dictate attire…if your guests show up in jeans so what?  Will it invalidate your marriage?  If you would rather they not come than show up in something you deem unworthy then don’t invite them in the first place.

Having a wedding doesn’t make you the centre of the universe.

(all above is to the proverbial ‘you’ not anyone in particular)

Post # 83
Member
594 posts
Busy bee

MeandMyLouboutins:  This isn’t a dress she can take on and off, though. I love my pale, porcelain skin – I wear SPF 70 and long sleeves every day to keep it that way. Would it be right for someone to make me get a tan so I would blend in? Or grow my hair long? Or bleach it blonde? Where’s the line?

As for her changing her mind? Yep, it sucks, but people are allowed to have a change of heart. People change over time.

(Seriously, though, I doubt I’d notice her legs. It’s not me being PC. I have several “crunchy granola” friends like this chick, and it doesn’t even register with me anymore. If people at the wedding already know her, they’re probably used to it and don’t  give a rat’s ass.)

Post # 84
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

LDay1983:  How is she not being respectful!? the SIL promised she would and now wants to change her mind? 

You are taking it too far. Having a simple request isn’t beinf the centre of the universe. Your family and loved ones should care about whT you’d like for your special day and most will understand certain requests .. she’s not asking the girl to become a nun for God sakes.. just clean up body hair which can be unsightly depending on your views 

I’m not speaking about guest attire that a totay different subject. The bottom line is where do people come off attacking this girl because she asked something her SIL agreed and now changed her mind? that’s NOT a bridezilla 

Post # 85
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

SexyCatLady:  The examples you are giving are not the same… asking someone to chane their skin complexion and asking someone to shave while wearing a short dress are not the same.. yes people are allowed to change their mibad but every action has a reaction and if ahe specifically asked her to do some things for hygenic reasons and the SIL refuses the bride can ALSO change her mind about having that person in her party – what’s good for the goose goes for the gander as well

 

Post # 86
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

 

MeandMyLouboutins:  According to the OP, the only thing the SIL has said she won’t do is shave – she will still wear deodorant/wash hair.

Shaving isn’t a matter of hygiene.

Post # 87
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

MeandMyLouboutins:  You are equating body hair and an aversion to commercial beauty products with dirt, disease (a/k/a lack of hygiene), and unnaturalness without cause to do so.  To keep body hair is simply an aesthetic choice, like tanning or coloring your hair, and no one has a right to colonize someone else’s body to make them conform to the dominant aesthetic norm, and asking someone to conform to that norm is not just a little request.  It is a highly invasive one, and one that should never be made of people whose autonomy you wish to honor.

Post # 88
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

MeandMyLouboutins:  She knew her SIL was a ‘hippie’ to start with.  And which way do you think it likely went down

  • ‘Hey Future Sister-In-Law, we’re getting married and I’d like you to be in my wedding party but I’m thinking short dresses so would you mind shaving for me?’ – acknowledging that she knows her lifestyle but that Future Sister-In-Law should conform to her request.  An insulting request likely catching Future Sister-In-Law off guard and Future Sister-In-Law made an on the spot decision to comply.
  • ‘Hey Future Sister-In-Law, we’re getting married and I’d like you to be in my wedding party!’ ‘OMG that’s so cool, I know you think my leg hair is unsightly so I promise I’ll shave it for you’ – an unsolicited compliance to something that Future Sister-In-Law doesn’t see is an issue because a ‘hippie’ is who she is so why would she be asked to be anything other than who she is?

I agree, that Future Sister-In-Law shouldn’t go back on her word.  However, I question the way that this conversation came about in the first place and if it was a voluntary thing brought up by Future Sister-In-Law then she needs to stand by it.  If OP approached her about it, then no she shouldn’t.

Post # 89
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

rblanton0307:  well, if she promised to make an exception from the get go, AND she hasn’t bothered to show up for anything, that would be my cue that she doesn’t really give a sh*t. 

Not to mention, these are clearly not her longstanding beliefs and sounds like a fad. If that had been her view for a long time and you had asked her knowing full well, I’d tell you to suck it up. However, I agree 100% that someone’s wedding is NOT the event to be making some sort of point. She’s being a self centered idiot.

Though it might be fun for you to get some good pro pics of her, hair and all, that she can be mortified by for years to come once she’s split with her man and the fad has passed. And when she has her wedding, you can have a PETA rally during her reception. Lol. 

Post # 90
Member
594 posts
Busy bee

TMeandMyLouboutins:  Body hair has nothing to do with hygiene – most men have body hair, and I don’t see you calling them unhygienic because of it.

MarriedToMyWork: Agreed, it’s just an aesthetic choice, like hair color/cut, tattoos, or piercings. (Also, I’ve heard that it’s ichy to grow it out again after shaving, so there’s that, too.) 

GrumpytheDwarf: That’s a bit uncalled for. No one can read her mind and see if the change is genuine, and no one can see into the future to know if it’s just a fling.

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