(Closed) His anxiety and addiction… (long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@anonabee201403:  Weed is like most drugs – it affects everyone differently depending on genes, circumstances and personality. In the same way some people are extremely sensitive to caffeine and one cup of coffee can ruin their sleep for the night, or one pill can turn someone into a nervous wreck while the next person gets no side effects at all, weed can be a relaxing drug that you can take or leave or it can be an addiction that causes serious anxiety and motivational issues. The key here is finding out where in the spectrum your SO lies.

He could be smoking because of his depression and anxiety, or he could be getting anxiety and depression because he smokes. There’s no way to say whether it’s causal or reactive until he does some experiments and sees what helps. To do this he really needs to talk to his doctor or psychiatrist and get some medical advice on how to change up his routine.

If he’s not willing to seek help and try to work on this, that is a big problem. What he is currently doing clearly is not working for him (or you). In his heart he knows this, and he knows that he is not doing much to fix it, and that is slowly eating away at his self-esteem. Over time he is only going to feel lower and lower as he watches life pass him by. This is probably a big reason why he has no ‘self-love’, as you put it. The stress of living in a constantly messy home where he is unable to control his surroundings might be contributing to this.

What you need to decide is what your life goals are, and whether he fits into them. Don’t assume that he will change since most people ultimately don’t. He might, and I hope he does, but don’t count on it. If you commit your life to him do it based on who he is, not who you desperately hope he will be one day. Wishful thinking is the basis for a great many divorces, and past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour.

If all you want is a guy who loves you, then maybe he fits the bill. It might mean supporting him financially and emotionally your whole life, but maybe that is OK with you. He sounds like a nice guy and you clearly love him, but love is often not enough for a happy marriage. If you want a productive, consistently employed and emotionally stable partner then his past behaviour would indicate that it probably shouldn’t be him. If you want to raise a family with that person then you need to do some thinking about timelines and figure out how many chances you can afford to give him before he takes your dreams down with his.

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