(Closed) his bachelor party—disappointed…

posted 13 years ago in Parties
Post # 62
1194 posts
Bumble bee

Thanks for all the comments everyone.  It is important to remember to try be supportive on these boards.  Honesty is important, but please refrain from  personal attacks and snarkiness.


Post # 63
11 posts

I am not trying to be mean or snarky. But we each have our own experiences and it should be acceptable for me to be negative about the prospects of this wedding, in just the same way as others are encouraging. I am trying to be helpful, just as the encouraging bees are trying to be helpful. In my own case, it is based on a similar experience that was a red flag that should have indicated to me that more lies and infidelity problems would happen after the marriage. One of the reasons I went through with the wedding was because of all the pressure on me from well meaning people to just chalk it up to a mistake, or the implication that I was making a moutain out of a molehill because otherwise MR ex was such a great guy. In retrospect, those well meaning people did me a disservice. I’m not blaming them for my mistake in marrying the wrong person, but had I had a bunch of people that told me that my ex’s behavior was not acceptable, and that I should postpone and get counseling, I might have listened to the little voice inside of me. It seems to me that the bee who posted is having doubts. That is after all why she posted. You may think that you are doing her a favor by telling her to overlook this, and go ahead, but I think that that is the wrong advice and puts her even under more pressure to proceed with the wedding. I hope that there would be enough room on here for different opinions, even less popular ones.

Post # 64
380 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think starburst was trying to be snarky or negative.  She wasn’t posting just to be hurtful or mean about someone’s situation – she’s trying to provide real life advice, share her own experiences, and give her honest opinion.  Just because what she wrote isn’t what the OP wants to hear, doesn’t mean it doesn’t need to be said.  Maybe she’s wrong, maybe she’s right but I honestly think she’s just trying to be helpful in offering another perspective.  After all, isn’t that what an online forum should be about?  A lot of posters even said "if your wedding wasn’t happening in a few days, I would suggest postponing it."  I think starburst was being brave in saying "forget the fact that wedding is only in a few days…if you have doubts, don’t just rush into getting married just because it seems like it’s too late to cancel". 

Post # 65
1194 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly is encouraged and all perspectives are of courses appreciated!

My earlier comments were meant to serve as a gentle reminder to all posters to be respectful and to avoid attacking one another on the boards.

That’s besides the point that we are all wishing @lil well! 

Post # 66
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I have to agree with starburst here.  I don’t hink that being supportive always means you have to enourage someone to "just smooth things over."  Sometimes you have to pay attention to the BIG warning signs – no matter when they pop up.

I am scared for this girl and praying that she makes the best decision for herself.  Honestly, I could not see myself going through with this wedding so soon.  Of course, every personal situation is different, but with the details provided – NO WAY!  I’ve had an ugly feeling every time I think about this since I read the post yesterday.  I can’t imagine how she’d be able to shake it off before her wedding day.

Lil, please continue to talk about this with your fiance.  Follow your gut feeling.  Best of luck to you!

Post # 67
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Hi, I just wanted to know how everything ended and if you are still going through with the wedding. I hope it has a happy ending.

Good luck.

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