(Closed) His bachelor party left me so confused..

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Your fiance had little control over it. It was one night. Suck it up. (I’m not really looking forward to his bachelor party but oh well.)

I do find it a bitt odd that you’re religious, so religious you go a week without seeing him before the wedding, but you sleep together. Sorry – not trying to be rude but that doesn’t make sense to me. And no, I’m not judging – we live together.

Post # 4
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

hmmm. This whole thing seems sketchy to me. You’re trying to be traditional and religious about your wedding preceedings yet you’re sleeping together (not in the sexual way, because you didn’t say that) and he’s going out to stripclubs? Sorry, maybe you can enlighten us a little more?

ETA: I’m not judging you. Darling Husband and I lived together and slept together before our wedding. He also went to a stripclub for his Bridal Party so I’m definitely NOT judging you. 

Post # 5
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Much like the idea of the very well known tradition of not seeing one’s fi the night before or day of the wedding, Jewish people do this too, but they do not see eachother for the week leading up to the ceremony. Many people who do not see eachother the night before or day of the wedding live together otherwise. It’s just tradition.

Post # 7
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly, you would have been just as upset had you known beforehand. That’s why they didn’t tell you. Does it stink that they brought him to a strip club? Yes, you are obviously upset by it, but what’s done is done and he told you everything that happened. The strippers don’t want your husband, they are working for money. Does your opinion of him change now? Is it something you need to divorce (since you are technically already married) over?

You had your party and he had his and the plus side is there is no reason to go there ever again. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@kerrera:

Hey Kerrera, I understand how you feel. You are his wife and should have been the first to know what was going on, out of respect to you.

Your SO should have told the guys in advance no strippers if he knew you had a problem with it.

But now thats it done, i guess you two need to talk it out and make sure that moving forard something like that doesnt happen again

Post # 9
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I don’t think you should have to “suck it up.”  I completely understand your discomfort at not being told, or at least clued in as to what type of bachelor party your husband’s friends had in store for him.  Honestly, it isn’t your battle to fight.  If your husband knew this type of evening would be uncomfortable for you, then it was up to HIM to communicate this to his friends…and not just pawn the blame on your by saying, “Fiancee doesn’t want me to go to a strip club, or have dancers at my bachelor party.” 

 

I’d suggest that you get your concerns off your chest this week, but don’t let it ruin your religious ceremony.  You can’t control other people or situations, but you can control how you react to them. 

Post # 10
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i understand being upset WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER. my fiance and i are living and sleeping together and i have told him that i don’t want him to have strippers or anything of that sort. it’s not a religious thing, it’s a selfish thing. he’s mine and i’m his… he can have me whenever he wants and he can look at me as much as he wants… but not any other woman.

 

But…. in your first post, you talk about not liking this stuff and what you did for your party… and never mentioned that you told HIM that is would specifically hurt your feelings if he had strippers for his bachelor party. alot of guys don’t count bachelor parties as being… real. like they don’t count.

Post # 11
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@kerrera: I think that you need to take a deep breathe. Yes, he went to the strip club, but by the sounds of it he just looked. Just like he would at a poster or movie. You may not feel great about it but in the grand scheme of things this is a small detail. In 5 years time will this even matter? In 2 years? In 6 months? No. 

Yes, it would have been nice to be kept informed of what was going to happen and when your last night would be with your SO. However, this is his friends doing and guys just don’t think about these sorts of things. They probably thought it was hilarious to “kidnap” your SO and take him for a long night/day of male naughtiness. They would not have considered that you were looking forward to that last night. 

In the end you have to remember that you love this man and that these are actually quite small issues. He did nothing directly wrong, or anything to hurt you on purpose. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and keep moving along. 

 

Post # 12
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It’s unfair to tell someone a matter is trivial and they should suck it up. Different things affects people if different ways.

Sweetie if you need to vent, please do.

Post # 15
Member
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with Mrs Scott to be. I believe she was just venting and was uneasy about the situation. It had really nothing to do with the religious aspect that she happened to mention.

Post # 16
Member
6018 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@kerrera: im going to go sort of against the majority here and say that I think you are being kind of ridiculous. It was his bachelor party and unless you made it crystal clear to his friends that you wanted to know every little thing they were going to plan and that it basically had to be approved by you than I think you are just being a bit over the top. I know the whole stripperno stripper thing can get heated but give him a break. he had a night of drunken debauchery (which i can tell given your post he probably will not have many of after he marries you) with his buddies I guess I just feel like it was your own and your brides maids choice to have the type of bachelorette party you did and it should be his choice with his friends what kind of party he has. Thats just my opinion but I think what really bothers me is that you are kind of sounding like this one night is going to somehow damage your relationship which I think is just nuts. Im not trying to be rude or harsh but I am trying to give my honesty here. Take it as you will.

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