- 7 years ago
(I’m already a bee, but I want to protect our privacy on this issue) This has been bugging me for so long and I need help… either to just let it go or understand where in the world he was coming from.
I’m married and I am so in love with the man, I have no doubt there is no one else who is as perfect for me as he is. I went a little crazy planning the wedding and kind of turned into someone else for a while, emotinal and stressed. A week before the wedding, my FH’s brother contacted me on FB, which wasn’t all that weird b/c we have chatted from time to time in the past and he’s always supportive of the relationship with me and his bro, congratulating us and all. At one point, he was a great friend during a difficult time and talked with me about overcoming the difficult issue, which I truly appreciated (before the convo in question). Halfway through this convo, he says, I have to tell you something. Hmmm…. what’s with the dramatics? He goes on to write this:
i hope he feels as lucky as I would feel with a person like you
I was in shock. And honestly, it was at first such an amazing compliment, I liked hearing it. Had it been ANYONE else, I would have ended the convo then and there, but I replied. I thanked him and reminded him how much I loved his brother. I know, weird. I feel so stupid now. We went on to talk for another hour or so. I know, I know. Wrong, wrong, wrong. There was no let’s hook up or get together or anything, it was all “safe” stuff, but after what he said, is anything “safe” to say anymore? At the end of the convo, he said he was ready to have an affair with me. End of convo. I bailed. The next day I was so upset, I called him and said I feel terrible and his brother is everything to me and when I said my vows, I had to say them with complete transperancy, and this conversation was threatening that honesty. He said, yes, he had thought about it too and he felt like shit, so let’s just go back to the way it was.
I don’t think that’s possible. How can I see this family member and not feel like a complete ass? I try to act normal around him, but this caused me to question my self, my relationship and most especially my marriage… right before saying my vows! I feel so guilty that I responded to what he said. My husband is not at all romantic, he doesn’t say “you look beautiful” or buy flowers or write notes. But, he does take care of absolutely everything from bills to repairing the car and if I daydream outloud about something I like, he makes it happen. He’s the most genuine, reliable, rock of a man… and I feel like I completely let him down. When his brother said, “I hope he feels as lucky as I would…”, it hit a nerve, b/c I wonder sometimes, if my husband is as crazy about me as I am about him. I tell myself that he just shows in a different way, and it isn’t all about romantic confessions of love and lust… but I wouldn’t mind getting swept away by the man I’m so in love with.
I have my guard up against the rest of the men in the world, but I was so shocked by those words from someone I trusted and I don’t think I did the right thing. And now I wonder- was he just testing me? Was he trying to see if I would cheat on his brother? Did he really mean what he said, or did he make a fool out of me? If it were my husband and another woman (much less, my own sister) I’d be devastated to know he didn’t immediately shut it down.
Please don’t tell me to tell him about it. I won’t. The fracture that would cause in the family would be impossible to heal. He hasn’t contacted me since the phone call. So what I’m dealing with is my own guilt. I can’t forgive myself for reacting to those words. It’s exactly what I would love to hear from my man.
What do you think?