(Closed) Thanks for the advice:)

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Wow – there is a lot of baggage there, sorry you are having to deal with this πŸ™

My only advice would be to protect yourself from going insane and keep your wedding plans to yourself. Dont tell your Future Sister-In-Law what your colours are, what kind of dress, just be indifferent.

That will protect you from any copying. You will need to focus on your relationship with your Fiance and everything else should come a distant second.

Hard to do but I think that is what is required unfortunately.


Post # 4
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I understand that you are frustrated but you just need to rise above this and her and your Future Brother-In-Law.  You are going to have your day and it’s going to be wonderful.  She may have a bigger ring and a bigger house, but will they be just as happy as you and your FH??  That is what matters.

Thing is, these people are going to be your family and you’re going to have to live with them.  Don’t start it as a competition cause it isn’t and even if she is making it one, you are acknowledging it.

I went to a party once and me and the hostess were wearing the same dress.  Hers was an XS and mine was a M.  She kept telling everyone that it looked different on her b/c hers was an XS.  I thought this was ridiculous and I realized how insecure she was to try and compete with me.  I felt secure in myself and didn’t let it bother me.  I think your FBIL’s Fiance is just insecure and need to up-talk her wedding/planning.  Just don’t let it bother you.  Relax!


Post # 5
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hmm…there may be a lot more going on than what is in this post, so please remember that I’m writing only based on what you’ve written.

I can understand being a little down about his family taking her out to dinner and feeling a little bit overshadowed, but just because you and your Fiance have been together longer does not give you the right to an entire year of his family’s calendar.  They can get engaged and married when they please – granted, of course they should consider you and Fiance but it’s a bit much to expect they delay everything for a year so you can “be in the spotlight.”

Also – the whole competitive thing you need to get over quick.  Comparing yourself to others nevers turns out well; somebody is always worse off and somebody is always better off.  Period.  Maybe they will have more material things.  Maybe you will.  At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter – your happiness is your own and should not be dependent on what other people are doing or what others have.

Are you sure the other girl is being competitive?  Is there any chance she’s just excited that she has another girl to talk about wedding details with?  Let’s face it, unless you’re planning a wedding, hearing details about dresses and programs and catering and sand ceremonies is boring.  She may just want someone to share the experience with.

And even if she steals ideas as you’re afraid of – your wedding is first.  It would be pretty obvious if she did.

And I definitely understand penny pinching and saving for the wedding and as other bees have said to me  – relish it.  Every detail of your wedding is more memorable and special b/c you have earned it and you can really appreciate it.  Don’t worry about keeping up with anyone – it’s your wedding and you can make it special with plenty of ways other than money <– one of the hive’s specialities πŸ™‚

Post # 6
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

*Hugs* Sweetie, don’t call it off. It’s not worth losing your sweetheart. Your day will be your day, and nothing can take away from the fact that you are going to marry your guy. As hard as it may seem, take the high road. It’s not a contest between you two, it’s a celebration. Just keep repeating this to yourself.

I do know where you are coming from. My sweetie proposed in Feb. One week later, without any prior hints about it, his best friend  (and our best man) proposed to his girlfriend. They’re getting married the month before us.  Hello? Copycat? There are days I’d really like to ask the florist to keep the thorns on my roses so I can “accidentally” shove them right down their throats, but I’m trying. It makes my groom uncomfortable to have me so royally peeved at someone who has been his best friend since childhood. It’s his day, too, and I want him to be happy, so I’m going to glue a smile on my face and play nice.

It sure wasn’t very sensitive of them to have their wedding so close, and a nice bride would try to make sure you both were being included, but I wonder about the contest thing. Is she really being competitive? It’s tough to say. She just might be really really excited and posting about her wedding adventures, too. Go on with your plans, sounds like she’s got her own, and you know what? I bet your wedding will be beautiful. =-)

Post # 8
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

The thing to remember is that wedding’s aren’t a contest, and your relationships aren’t a race.  Their engagement should have no impact on your wedding or your marriage; don’t let it get in the way of your plans or your relationship with your future in-laws.  I understand that you want to feel appreciated and loved by your in-laws and I don’t mean to be rude, but I think you’re overreacting.  And I’m sure it would cause problems in your FI’s family if he chews out his brother for proposing in the same year.  No one gets a monopoly on a year.  I’d think carefully about whether or not this is worth alienating his entire family.  

Post # 9
4 posts
  • Wedding: July 2003

ditto what the other brides said:  DO NOT COMPETE.  You must make a decision to not pay attention or care what your future sister in law & brother in law has, don’t have, and will be getting.  Trust me: if you do not nip this while it is still budding, it will make you mad/crazy and cause a rift not only between you and your future family but you and your husband.

I’ve been there… getting out of it.  This coming from someone who’s been married for almost 7years. πŸ˜›

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