(Closed) His ex-girlfriend is literally in the picture

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This happened to me and I remember being bothered as well. I wouldn’t worry too much though. It’s not important in the long run and you’ll be in all the pics from here on out ๐Ÿ™‚  I would try to give them the benefit of the doubt.    

Post # 18
Member
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t have a problem with keeping old mementos, but displaying them is a little inappropriate.  I don’t think it’s a big deal though, because they probably didn’t even think of it.  It’s background noise to them, they’re used to the stuff they have being where it is without actually looking at any of it.  I would probably have overlooked something like that too (who pays that kind of scrupulous attention to their walls and the things that have been hanging on it for years?).  She’s just a person from a long time ago, and you’re his fiancee.  Don’t let it get to you.

Post # 20
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I wouldn’t think anything of it. My parents have a picture from one of my birthdays up on their refrigerator and my ex is in it. My parents love FH (way more than the ex), and I don’t even think they realize that picture is still up. So maybe in your situation, this couple hasn’t even thought about the picture after they put it up. Obviously they don’t do much updating since they have a wedding picture up of a couple who is divorcing.

 

The fact that you don’t feel like a part of their group is a real issue though.

ETA: Sometimes I feel like putting a sticker over my ex’s face in that pic– maybe I’ll do that tonight. lol

Post # 21
Member
3928 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@noritake22: You wrote “If I were in their place, I would be afraid of offending somebody in my place and would therefore take the picture down.” And I just commented on what I would or would not do in that situation. I think if you weren’t either offended and/or jealous, you would not have wrote what you wrote. I thought you were writing in reference to yourself. Sorry, if I offended you. I didn’t mean too ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 22
Member
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

My Fiance only has one ex but they had pictured done by his SIL and she has them on her website listing the pictures as my Fiance and his EX but I still feel a little upset when I see them. Sure, she has our couple pictures on there as well as our Christmas pictures from the past 2 years but…it’s still odd for me. I hate seeing pictures of him holding his ex. It would bother me but not offend me, basically like you said. It’s not like they did it to make you feel uncomfortable. They probably forgot all about the picture and that he was hugging his ex in it.

Post # 24
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

 I have to take the other side here and agree with the OP. I DO agree that they probably totally forgot about the picture BUT I am also the kind of person who would remove that just for the night. No one wants to see their Fiance with someone else. It just gives a bad vibe off.

 I would just try to avoid thinking about it at all costs and if and when you do go back over there just try your hardest not to notice the picture. I feel your pain!!

Post # 25
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

In my house, there is a picture of my ex-husband, our two children, and me, taken while I was still married to him.  And it has stayed up in spite of the fact that I am now married to someone else.  The picture is of sentimental significance to me, because it is a memory of my children’s childhood.  And I can’t exactly erase him from it, because, well, he was there.

If the friends are excluding you from the group now, that’s an issue.  But I wouldn’t expect them to remove pictures of their whole group just because one person in the group is no longer married to the person he was married to then.

Post # 26
Member
1741 posts
Bumble bee

I think not being included in the group is ore of an issue than friends having a group photo with and ex on their well. Like PPs have said it only represents a memory. I have some photos on Facebook of my ex and I that are old. Some of them are even from college graduation and they do represent good memories so i don’t see a reason to remove them just because of the presence of an ex. If he and I had a terrible break up or he abused me then I would feel differently. 

As far as being included in FI’s group of friends, have you tried inviting them over and hosting some sort of fun evening activity that they have not done before which you enjoy? Let them get to know you better.

Post # 27
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

How about at your wedding you ask the photographer to get together the various groups of friends, this included, to take new group shots where everyone is all dressed up? After you get the print you can gift this couple and others with the professional photo in a new frame to replace the old. You can even make a joke about it if you and your fiancée feel that would be appropriate.

Post # 28
Member
1174 posts
Bumble bee

@stacycats:I can understand your view, it can be tough to feel excluded. Maybe they are all still friends, I don’t know if I would end a friendship because the couple broke up. There is really nothing you can do about that but be nice and in time these feelings will pass. Sorry:0)

Post # 29
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

sorry I missed the point here. When it comes right down to it, there is nothing you can do to control their behavior – whether that’s taking down a picture or making you feel more included in the group.  The most you can do is keep your chin up and continue to be the considerate person you are. Behave in a way that makes you proud of yourself – make attempts to include them, but if they don’t reciprocate, so be it. Continue to put your energy and time into those who make you feel welcome and special. These are the people who will be in your lives for the duration.

If these two continue to be distance and put up barriers, there’s nothing you can really do about it except continue to build relationships with those who share more similar values.  Who knows why they are putting up these boundaries, you may find out in a year or so that they are having their own trouble. Either way, it doesn’t matter. I think you can be proud of the fact that you would act more graciously and inclusive if the situation were reversed. I know it’s hard and hurts your feelings and I would feel the same way, but in the end, you will share a beautiful day with the people who have made efforts to treat you well. They might be the ones who end up feeling excluded through no fault of yours.

Post # 30
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I know that if I were in this situation, my Fiance would have said something to them. While things like this don’t necessarily bother me, they do offend him. He has actually brought something like this to people’s attention more than once, and I haven’t found out about it until weeks later. To each their own, I suppose.

Also, I’d like to add that I find it very odd that they are still displaying a wedding picture of a couple who are divorcing. Sounds to me like they are just completely oblivious.

Post # 31
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  My cousin got married in 2002 and divorced last year. He, his former wife, his sister, and his sister’s husband were all really good friends. There were a lot of pictures of the four of them together in my aunt and uncle’s house. When they announced their divorce, my aunt and uncle were trying to decide what to do about pictures. They obviously took down the wedding ones, but any pictures that had other people in them, they left up. They are now in more discreet locations, especially since my cousin has been dating somebody new.

  His sister has a table at their house that has a ton of photos on it. The former wife is in a lot of them, because they were together for something like 11 years (if you count dating). They were all friends. She said that it made her feel awkward to see her picture, but they had a lot of really good times together and it was hard to get rid of those.

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