(Closed) His ex-girlfriend is literally in the picture

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

I’m currently sitting underneath a group picture from a friend’s engagement party, and I just realized that there is a picture of a friend of mine hugging an ex girlfriend.  I NEVER thought of it offending him or his current girlfriend.  Even now that I am thinking about it, I’m still not going to take down the picture- it’s cute, and it’s a great memory of an awesome night.

Post # 48
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Do you mean acknowledgement in the general sense (like acknowledging your presence at social functions instead of pretending you’re not even there) or specifically, like including your name on invitations and stuff?  For me, I couldn’t care less if they put my name on an actual invite, so long as I didn’t end up awkwardly standing next to my then-FI, praying he didn’t disappear and leave me standing in a room full of girls who didn’t show the slightest bit of interest in me at social functions. 

Post # 50
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

def wouldnt be offended- but prob a little bit agitated just having to look at the picture. They prob dont mean anything by it- and people are very nostalgic and treasure old photos and memories. not ur place to tell them to remove the photo- buti undestand 100% if u feel a twinge of jealous or agitation by it

Post # 51
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@stacycats:  Oh, been there done that got the T-shirt.  I TOTALLY understand and am so sorry you have to deal with it. 

On a lighter note, you’re getting married the day before me!  Yay for almost-date twins!

Post # 52
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would be upset. My boyfriend’s parents actually still have pictures of him and his ex displayed in their house (like, not a group, just the two of them together) and it makes me so mad. They dated for a long time but the girl was an insane b—-, cheated on him, and actually became physically abusive, and they are in no way in contact anymore (of course his parents don’t know these things). We’ve been together for 2.5 years and they’ve been broken up for 3+ years, I feel it’s time for them to let go. But she was (is) Jewish and I’m not.

Sorry this is turning into a total vent! But yes, I would be upset/offended.

Post # 53
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@kirabee: uh….I’d venture to say your situation is a LOT different than the OPs…

Post # 54
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@lezlers: Lol, yes you’re right (I just read all the replies on the first page). Also, I’m being dramatic. His mom is also a packrat and has about a billion statues of cats and picture frames on the shelves along with these pictures that she may not even know are there. But I know for a fact there is one on the fridge, one in the family room, and one in the bedroom. I generally don’t feel very accepted by them so that probably adds to my feelings about the pics.

But, to the OP, as you described the situation, yes, I would still be offended. It’s hard not to feel accepted by people who are so important to our SOs. All you can do is be your wonderful self and strengthen your relationship. Hopefully they will see that they want what is best for their friend. I also agree with what a PP said about taking a new picture and gifting it to them. Make light out of the situation and it will show how cool you are. Smile

Post # 56
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It is easy to see why that could possibly upset you but I would try to not think too much into the situation.  At my fiance’s house his parents have a picture of him with the three girls he went to prom with, one of whom he dated for a short period & messed him up emotionally for awhile.  At first it bothered me but then I realized it was a part of his past and I was his future.  (Also I couldn’t get too upset since before my parents divorced my mom had pictures up of a couple of different proms I attended & of those one of them was me with the guy I dated on and off for 6 years throughout middle & high school).  If you think they did it out of spite or they are constantly saying mean things to upset you and make you feel unimportant then maybe mention it, but like other’s have said most people don’t pay much attention to whats hanging on their walls.

Post # 57
Member
608 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t be offended by it at all… there might be details about that memory that you are unaware of…  For example, in my family, we have a photo that includes a girlfriend of one of my cousins.  She’s the only non relative in the photo, and was included because the boyfriend at the time wanted her to be… and the women who normally would have been able to object….  (the mom and aunts… were in the midst of getting the photo taken.)  The photo is an especially dear one because my grandfather died within the year and another cousin died tragically in a car accident while in college.  It literally is a one of a kind photo.  We were never all together like that again!  The girlfriend is just a part of the memory… because the quip that my mom told my cousin… the boyfriend was that she could be in the photo… only if he married her…  Which he didn’t get… but it has become a family tale retold…  As I wrote about this I thought about another photo of an ex… that is just as much a family tale… but about 50 years older than this one… and it’s just as valued of a photo… the ex is just an ex… not really important beyond the memory… but the other people in the photo are precious!  Don’t get jealous of an old experience.

Post # 58
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I just LOLd at the thought of taking down photographs in my home for fear of offending or bothering someone. 

Post # 59
Member
264 posts
Helper bee

If you’re at their house for a ‘couples evening’ then how are they not including you?

Post # 60
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’m going to tell the truth and say I’d would be sort of offended if my husband’s friends had a photo up of him and his ex.

That being said, I wouldn’t say anything either. If I already wasn’t fond of the couple it would add insult to injury.. but if they were divorcing I’d find solace in knowing we wouldn’t be hanging out in their place for much longer 😀

The topic ‘His ex-girlfriend is literally in the picture’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors