(Closed) His Ex Girlfriend = My Problem Now

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1139 posts
Bumble bee

I think the bigger issue is.. are you sure you’re comfortable marrying someone who clearly doesn’t value marriage enough to refrain from having a relationship with this woman in the first place.

Post # 4
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I wouldnt recommend that. I could see a restaining order headed your way LOL I would have your Fiance handle it if something occurs. As long as she is not messing with you or him right now I wouldnt worry. If something occurs your Fiance should let her know there will never be a chance. EVER.

Post # 5
4005 posts
Honey bee

I agree 100% with Moose – are you thinking that your soon to be husband doesn’t have the will power to turn her away should something like that happen?

Post # 6
1656 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t know the legality of sending a letter like that but the psycho-factor on your part is pretty high. Seriously I don’t think you need to go sending mildly threatening letters to a random ex-girlfriend because you have some paranoid suspicion she MIGHT come out of the woodwork later on. Why don’t you just trust your Fiance and your relationship with him? Has he done anything to lead you to believe that even if she DID come around, he would give her the time of day? I think you’ll just make yourself look all kinds of crazy if you contact this ex.

Post # 8
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Well.. first of all, why did your Fiance allow this relationship to take place to begin with? That’s pretty serious that he would date a married woman. Have you guys talked about that?

Second, it’s your FI’s job to keep her out of your lives. I don’t know why you think she is ‘your’ problem now. My FI’s ex-gf kept trying to contact him after we started dating and I told Fiance to get rid of her. He had to tell her to leave him alone and that he was in a serious relationship. Honestly, I would never be the one to approach her because it’s FI’s responsibility to make up his mind to be faithful and honest, not my job to get rid of any girls who are trying to get with him.

Post # 9
1776 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t do anything and I REALLY wouldn’t send a letter. That’s just inviting trouble!!

Post # 10
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Trust and communication, not threats should be the foundation of a relationship; in my very humble opinion 🙂

Good luck with everything!

Post # 12
767 posts
Busy bee

It doesn’t matter what she does or wants, you’re not in a relationship with her.  It matters what he does and wants.

Post # 13
1337 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Is she currently contacting you or your FH?

Even if her kids are in high school, college would be more than 4 years away for all 3, right? That’s a looooooong time away to get so stressed out / worried about a “what if” situation.

I definitely would NOT contact her in any form. That only creates drama.

Post # 14
1449 posts
Bumble bee

Do they even keep in contact anymore? If not (and even if they do) Im sure you dont have anything worry about.  She cheated on her husband, he didnt cheat on you. Dont contact her thoough.

Post # 15
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would not contact her – you are asking for trouble.  If she contacts either of you, then I’d save the info in case you need to get any kind of restraining order.

You don’t indicate how much longer the kids have before being off to college, but no offense, unless she’s Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction”, I’m sure she’ll focus her energy on another guy.  And as long as your guy can put the kabosh on anything should she come around calling, I’d let it go.

Otherwise, I’d totally reconsider marrying your Fiance.  You don’t go into something like marriage worrying about stuff like this – that’s a recipe for disaster.  GL.

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