(Closed) His Ex Girlfriend = My Problem Now

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It would make me nervous if they were still in touch but if it were something that happened years ago and obviously it didn’t work out then I wouldn’t worry. Although I’d feel awkward if SHE broke it off rather than him – meaning he might have waited around for her.

Post # 18
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I really think it’s unfair that you are putting all the blame on her.  I know your Fiance has acknowledged that this was a mistake, but he had just as big a part in “f’ing up people’s lives” as she did.  And honestly from the way you talk it sounds like you don’t care that she had an affair, but that she got away with it… like you want to tell her husband and kids.  If you are considering doing that.. please DON’T.  That is not your business.   As long as you trust your fiance that he will respect YOUR marriage enough to be faithful to you (and that he would want to be faithful to you, not just do it because it’s the right thing to do).. then that’s all you need to worry about.  Don’t focus on other people.. you can’t control their actions, only your own.

Post # 20
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I seriously recommend some counseling for you. “My fiance had a relationship with a married women before he met me”, “those kids are growing up and I’m worried she’s gonna come back around”, “he is mine now and to LEAVE HIM ALONE?”, and “don’t come near him, ever.  the end” all stand out to me as serious issues you have while persuing a marriage. Seriously, those types of statements scream to me you aren’t mature enough to be getting married in the first place. That is probably mean, but I would NEVER think of owning my Fiance. He isn’t “mine, so stay away from him”. He is my special someone who loves, protects me, and is my partner.

We see his ex-girlfriends all the time around town or out with friends. When they start being flirty or saying innappropriate things about me he immediately stops them and explains to them why he loves me. Actually he does that with any flirty girl, but that is because he has no eyes for anyone but me. I wouldn’t think for a minute he would go back to one of his ex’s who he isn’t even in contact with at the moment. Seriously….get a counselor because you need help sorting this out.

Post # 21
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I second (or third…?) Moose 100%.

Post # 22
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it’s possible that since you’re getting closer to your wedding date, you may be having some doubts and projecting it onto her. Maybe you are really concerned with this woman because she represents the possibility that your Fiance does not respect the sanctity of marriage and that scares you.

Post # 24
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It takes two to tango.  She should not be an issue if you really trust your fiance. 

Post # 26
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Just putting this in perspective a little bit: I think most of us have FI’s who were once involved with others, probably not married others, but none the less, not all of us are marrying our first loves.  Most of us have come to terms with the fact that our FI’s have exes and they could (but probably won’t) come back into their lives.  We just trust that our FI’s would tell them to bugger off if that happened.

I’m curious as to why you fixated on this one woman in particular, and not any other ex-girlfriends?  Because she was married?

Nonetheless, I completely agree with the other responses – this is a pretty big red flag in your relationship.  Counseling would be a good idea.

Post # 27
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

why would you want to threaten anyone unsolicited?  Please dont do that.  It makes it seem like you are very insecure even though you may not be.

Post # 28
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

I get what you are saying…it stinks that it happened and that all of you have to live with it.  But history is history and that history makes you who you are today.  Have you talked to your Fiance about how you feel and can express your concerns? I am sure he will put your mind at ease.  If I were you, I would make him promise to tell me ANY TIME she contacts him. 

Plus, this lady is no threat to you.  This was all before you and your Fiance were together and now he knows what a lucky guy he is to have you.   

Post # 29
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m not saying that people can’t make mistakes and change their ways as they get older and more mature. I’m just saying that maybe your obsession with this ex is a subconscious thing because that is a part of his past, like it or not, and sometimes the closer we get to the wedding date the more oddly paranoid and over-analytical we can get. That’s all.

Post # 30
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wait… has she threatned your relationship at all since you’ve been together.. or are you just thinking ahead.. about “what if”..because if that’s the case.. then DO NOT DO ANYTHING.. that is crazy talk.

 

 

Post # 31
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

Neither your fiance  nor the married woman was any more wrong than the other.  They were equally wrong . . . so placing more blame on one party than the other is *so* double standard.  And I hardly think her little affair was *scott free* . . .

Please tell me that you did not seriously consider contacting her . . . You need to get a grip and deal with whatever issues are causing you such insecurity(ies) (and stop projecting whatever insecurities you are feeling on this woman) before you pour salt in an old wound and do irreparable damage.

*Oy*

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