Post # 1
hello! long time lurker and new poster. hoping for some advice. I am 29 and so is my fiancé.
my fiancé and I have been together for two years, engaged for three months. everything is great!
prior to me he had a girlfriend for a year and then on/off and drunken hook ups for another year after that. she worked with him and it seems like they had a very fiery and intense time, but “not a real relationship” as he tells me. he did love her at some point, which is fine, as everyone has a past etc. he has lied about her contacting him in the past, but this is an issue we are now over.
she has had a boyfriend who she lives with for the past three years. yet she writes my fiancé the weirdest things. originally she wrote, crying about how he won’t talk to her and then later telling him he’s a vile and horrible person etc etc. he blocked her on fb. then she tried to catch up with him as she was in our city, and googled his work email and sent it there! he showed me and we wrote a nice but firm and pleasant no thanks email. then she wrote another huge one telling him she still thinks about him etc etc etc etc. all very odd and manipulative content. also when my fiancé was dating her she apparently did a similar thing to her ex.
i went and had a look at her social media and she keeps putting up cutesy pics of her and her bf.
im I’m half a mind to forward all her contact to her boyfriend. I’m not sure what it would achieve apart from making me feel better for getting some kind of revenge haha. I have no doubt she will contact again, wanting to catch up again or something.
Im just annoyed, because I would never do this to another woman’s man.
any ideas? Thanks so much!
Post # 2
I’d say that since this is on her end and your Fiance seems to have done everything right, there’s not much to do. Think of it this way: if you forward everything to her current boyfriend, that may just free her up to bother you guys even more.
It annoys the shit out of me too, and I’m with you when you say you’d never do this to another woman. Some people know no boundaries. It sounds like you and your Fiance have a very open and honest relationship though. I’d just do my best to let it go.
I’d like to point out one more thing though: if you every feel physically threatened, do tell your Fiance and do take some legal action. This woman sounds like a stalker.
Post # 3
I think the best thing to do is for your SO to totally ignore her. Ideally, block her from any forms of contact. Seems pretty obvious to me this is an ego thing that she wants to see if she could still “get him” if that makes sense. He needs to not indulge this at all and quit responding entirely.
Also, you need to stay out of her and her BFs relationship. That’s high school drama and will only feed this more and let her know she’s under your skin. Both of you ignore and block her and she has no power. I give this advice from experience as DH came to me with his own unhealthy manipulative ex who every now and then does try to strike up a conversation. She is 100% ignored at all times.
Post # 4
thanks so much for understanding. she really is a bit of a stalker! you’re right I guess there isn’t much else to do, I just get really annoyed by her actions. good point about the physical threat, I don’t feel that so far, although my fiancé said she was quite crazy and used to slap him sometimes etc eeeek xo
Post # 5
She sounds unstable. That’s probably why your boyfriend’s relationship with her was so “fiery and intense.”
Don’t respond to her. Have your boyfriend keep a record of her attempts to contact him. Take screen-shots of the texts and incoming calls, and keep the e-mails in their own folder and/or print them out.
Post # 6
thanks! hehe yeah I know my desire to forward all her contact really is pretty immature, I can see that, I just feel frustrated that she won’t let it go. I was patient at first but now I’m just annoyed. I was surprised when I went to her social media and saw that she has a serious boyfriend of three years! this seemed like the actions of a crazy single girl. ignoring is probably the best you’re right xo
Post # 7
yeah you’re right, not sure why he was ever with her to be honest. oh well! she’s blocked on everything now so no more contact hopefully. thanks! xo
Post # 8
I think our fiances have the same ex girlfriend 😂I don’t have any advice other than to continue to ignore her. Eventually she’ll get the hint. It took like a year for us (this was after she was blocked on everything, she’did still try to get in contact from random numbers).
Post # 9
hehe! seems to be a common problem. that’s good to hear yours went away eventually, I’m hoping my stalker disapears too, thanks! xo
Post # 10
I had an ex that kept contacting me for over a year after I started dating Fiance. I tried telling him to stop and I feel like that just encourages people like them by continuing contact. So I blocked his email and flat out ignored him. He finally stopped. I think all out blocking her is probably the only way to go.
Post # 11
You can actually thank her. She’s providing an opportunity for your fiance to show you more about who he is and how he handles difficult situations before marriage. I’d leave her out of it, and just appreciate that he’s shut it down.
Post # 12
while FB isn’t exactly a good temperature reader for what’s really going on in anyone’s relationship the fact it at least appears as if though she is in a serious cohabiting relationship means I think her bf deserves to know. If my DH was doing this kind of thing behind my back to his ex I would sincerely hope she would forward me everything.
Post # 13
hmmm yes agree. I mean I was just so surprised to see a serious boyfriend in the picture!? feel sorry for him tbh!
i mean who does that when they’re in a relationship! She’s playing with fire!
Post # 14
yes I suppose you are right regarding the blocking. I just swear she will find someway to make contact again! her emails are crazy, almost feel like posting one here for lols 😂
Post # 15
Her boyfriend deserves to know the truth. While it’s normally not a good idea to get involved in other people’s affairs, she’s purposefully stepping on your toes.