(Closed) His Ex is eating me up inside…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Dr_Clic:  You need to have a full-on, honest conversation with him about this.  Explain that when he brings her up, you feel this way.  He probably has no clue.

With the engagement, yeah, you need to confront him!

I’m so sorry you feel this way.  I think you’re completely justified in being upset.

Post # 4
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would have a conversation with him about it.  My fiance once made a comment, when I was frustrated at not being able to find a pair of jeans that fit, that his ex-girlfriend had had trouble, too, because she was so tall and thin.  So I said, “When you say that, it hurts my feelings because I am not tall and thin.  It is not nice to bring her up in comparison to me.”  Seriously.  He was like, “that’s not what I meant!!!”

You need to tell him that his casual comments are upsetting you, but you need to say it rationally and without getting upset.  Otherwise he might not understand.  

 

Also he should have told you about the previous engagement.

Post # 5
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think you need to talk to him about how this makes you feel.  It doesn’t need to come off as jealous, but it is definitely inappropriate that he compares things about you.  I’m not the jealous kind at all, but I’d be pretty pissed/upset if my Fiance was telling me things like this.  

I also think it’s a pretty big deal that he forgot to mention he was previously engaged.  I understand not really talking about the past, but that’s a rather important piece of information that was omitted.  I can’t imagine forgetting to tell my Fiance I’ve been married before.

He needs to understand it’s not ok to talk about his ex giving him blow jobs in his car, and it’s not ok to bring her up all the time.  Talk to him about it.  Maybe he really doesn’t get what he’s doing?

Post # 6
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you should sit down and have a serious, heart-to-heart talk with him. I think he needs to know how you feel when he makes comments/comparisons to his ex (and then I think he needs to stop) and I think it’s a pretty big lie of omission to not let his fiance know that he was engaged before. That’s a pretty big piece of information to decide not to tell your fiance. 

Post # 7
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My friend and her husband have a saying, “As far as I am concerned, I am the only person you have ever been with. I know you have a past, but in my head, let me think this.”  Perhaps you could suggest something like this to him? You could tell him that you would  rather not know how long it took her to get ready or how she lost her ring or anything else for that matter.  I would ask him about the engagement, talk about it, and from that point let it be a clean slate to start over and never talk about his ex again.

I don’t know one single name of my husband’s ex’s and I never want to. I know that if I ever hear about an ex’s name, that I will have a disliking to that name, so I would rather not know.  I don’t consider myself a really jealous person, but an ex talk would drive me nuts.

What newly engaged person wants to hear about her man’s ex-fiance and how she lost her ring???  Ick.  That comment should have been kept to herself.  I would be upset also of finding out that he was engaged and never told you, and I feel for you —-that must have been so uncomfortable! The blow job comments are so inappropriate.
 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You feel this way because he wasn’t open with you regarding his relationship with his ex. Its not normal that he didn’t’t tell you they were engaged. I would have a frank discussion about your feelings about his comments and then ask why he kept that from you. That’s not being jealous it’s communication. You can’t hide your feelings for the rest of your life.

Post # 10
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i agree with all – you need to talk to him about it, especially since it is making you feel uncomfortable. and i also think that he should have told you that he was engaged before. this should all have been discussed before you guys got engaged.

Post # 11
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

It wouldn’t bother me. If he is coming home to me every night, he’s obviously made his choice. It doesn’t sound like things worked out between the two of them, and all you’re going to do by being jealous is hurt your relationship.

Post # 12
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I won’t post for too long, everyone has given such great advice. I think you need to have a talk with your Fiance and set some rules about photos… delete everything and move on.You not knowing about the previous engagement sucks, and so does the finding out from the friend. She shouldn’t of brought that up. Pure bad taste.

Sexually speaking… you have your whole life to get awesome. Definitely don’t compare yourself there, very dark road to start down.  Do what you feel comfortable with and that doesn’t make you or your relationship feel cheapened in anyway. Don’t put yourself under the pressure to become a nympho to keep up with an ex, just let it happen and improve as it it will do.

Maybe he has some valid things he wants to talk about, but using his ex as a point of reference isn’t the way to be heard. Hopefully the conversation would help clear the air and help you both to  set clear boundaries and rules.

Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Dr_Clic:  umm his behavour is not ok in my book.  Even tho you are not a jealous type that kind of thing would make anyone jealous.  You need to have a talk with him. Not telling you he was engaged before could be he was embaressed about it but still.

And that Best friends GF’s comment about his Ex losing her ring when you were showing her yours, what a horrible inappropriate thing to say, she must not think before she speaks.

Post # 14
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ummm…. Not OK… you need to let him know that you are not ok that he talks about his EX so often. What’s the point in bringing her up!? No one wants to hear that!! I’m sorry but he needs a good talkin’ to.

I don’t think it’s ok that you found out that he was engaged once before from someone else. He needs to be honest with you.

It seems like you don’t know him very well if you are hearing the engagement thing from someone else… That’s pretty big.

I am sorry but I would have no tolerance with all of the EX talk.

Post # 15
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This is absolutely innapropriate for him to a) bring her up like this and b) leave out important information about his past. It is disrespectful for him to bring up his ex like that. Yeah, I get a passing story or two, but talking about their past sex life is not kind. 

Post # 16
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Good heavens, my Fiance talks about his first two wives and the sx-girlfriend way too much.  Like he is still bitching about how they did him wrong, what they cooked, how they dressed, blah, blah, blah. I kind of dismissed it at first, but several of my friends have noticed and mentioned it to me so now I am being to wonder if all these comments are indicative so some underlying issue. The not being told about the prevuious engagement is definitely not cool.

The topic ‘His Ex is eating me up inside…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors