(Closed) His ex, keeps contacting, i keep finding stuff of hers, am i overreacting?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

you guys are engaged?  And this stuff is semi-recent? I can see having something tucked away that he forgot about, like the dress. Practical, “it’s a good dress, someone will wear it”. But you don’t keep photos, journals, phone calls, etc just laying around after years. He has to have been into that stuff fairly recently.  And you’ve talked to him about it. Sounds like big trouble to me..

 

Post # 4
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

IMO, I don’t think he should have anything like those pictures if you are ENGAGED/ MARRIED. That sounds off to me. BUT I also can’t judge your relationship from one post. I hope you get this figured out, and I hope he begins to understand why you are upset. I think you have every right to be.

Post # 5
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Okay I stopped reading about halfway through. I think your Boyfriend or Best Friend has waaay too many women up his sleeve that he either dated recently or still talks to. He should not keep in touch with any of them, absolutely no way no how. And I think he was being disrespectful by not throwing out her things before you saw them. And keeping all those emails. If I were you I’d be wary with him as he’s dating girl after girl and all the sudden okay with you moving in but won’t throw away or get rid of ex-gf paraphanalia.

Post # 6
Bee
12087 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

First of all, I’m really sorry you’re going through this!

Your feelings are valid.  Even though he has not cheated on you, he has lied to you and hidden things from you.  It does sound like he is not ready to let go of this Misty person.  No matter what he says to you about her, his actions speak differently.  It’s not right that he is making you feel this way.  He needs to get her out of his life 100% before you guys commit your lives to each other.  I hope you can make him see the light!

Post # 7
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I backup the other girls – are you two engaged?  How long have you been together?  Do you live together?

Post # 8
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I agree with the other ladies. Something is off somewhere… he should have gotten rid of that stuff a long time ago. I’m sorry you are going through this. He needs to have more respect for you than that. I would be FURIOUS if I found stuff from an ex, not to mention if he asked me if I WANTED it (particularly the lingerie! UM NO I DON’T WANT HER FREAKING LINGERIE, MORON!!!!!) Sorry, but reading this just got me all worked up!!!! Yell

Post # 10
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh Harless, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 

I think you need to explain to your FH and you need to get rid of all the things together and you both need to be there so you can see it being gotten rid of. It’s not fair that he’s clinging to his past whilst you’re trying to build yourselves a future. I also think you should consider pre-martial counselling. This could go a lot deeper than just keeping hold of old keepsakes and it’s best to get all these feelings out into the open now. 

Keep us updated, ok?

Post # 11
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You are not being silly at all!  Your story is full of RED FLAGS… my advice?  Get out of this relationship…. run as fast as you can girl.  Are you ENGAGED to this guy???  He sounds like a man whore (sorry to be harsh, but that’s my honest opinion)!

Post # 12
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. I know it’s hard and it hurts to know he’s still hanging on to the women of his past.

If he truly believes he’s ready for the next step with you, he definitely needs to let go of this stuff. No ifs, ands or buts about it.

 

Post # 13
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

That’s crazy, no wonder you are upset. How long have you two been dating for? He shouldn’t have any of this stuff lying around.

Post # 14
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m really sorry this is happening to you!

You’re not overreacting! There is no reason that he should have provocative pictures of either of these girls anywhere! Especially if you told him that it makes you incredibly uncomfortable. And, he should stop talking to this girl b/c you asked him to. She makes you uncomfortable, and you asked him to be firm with her.

I’m not sure what advice to give you, but I just wanted you to know that you’re not crazy…you’re valid to be angry about all the stuff he’s hidden from you. Definitely make sure the trust issues are worked out before you guys get married! Counseling might even be beneficial to sort out why he’s keeping these “momentos” from past relationships. A mediator might be able to make him see how horrible he’s making you feel.

Post # 15
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

When we were dating it had been a little over a year of dating I found some inappropriate pictures of my FI’s ex.  btw we weren’t engaged yet.  I didn’t delete them but I did let him know that I found them and that he needed to get rid of them.  He told me he thought he had and could I show him where I found them.  So I did and we deleted them right then and there.  I have never found anything since then.  That was three years ago.

I do remember feeling like a crazy nut and hurt and mad.  But then I realized that I was right.  And he did the right thing by deleting them in front of me.

His ex did call a few times to brag mostly about her current boyfriend.  She also asked him to friend her on myspace and FB.  At that point he told her to leave him alone.

Had my FI not done those two things I would have broken it off with him.  I’m sorry but we all have a past, yes he’s right about that but when I start dating someone I remove my exs from my life.  In fact just this past week I had one ask to be a friend on FB.  I hadn’t spoken to or seen this guy for almost 5 years.  But out of respect to my Fiance and myself I declined the request.  You are right for the way you feel and if I were you I would go stay with a friend for awhile to send you Fiance a strong message that you won’t tolerate this stuff in YOUR house or YOUR relationship. 

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