(Closed) His ex, keeps contacting, i keep finding stuff of hers, am i overreacting?

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

What happened about the car issue ? Really until that is done she will always been in your life.

Post # 63
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

First of all… you know whenever you have known someone with a certain name… they always are trouble.  Well one of mine is Misty (apologies to anyone named Misty)

My advice to you is if you are second guessing yourself at all… you know it is not right.  I personally would never stay with someone who pulled stunts like that.  When you are committed to someone you would never make excuses or help your ex.

You are a strong beautiful intuitive woman.  Women’s intuition is amazingly strong.

Red flags are a blessing.  When then come up you should thank that they are there and cut them loose.

I wish you the best of luck.

Post # 64
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

First of all… you know whenever you have known someone with a certain name… they always are trouble.  Well one of mine is Misty (apologies to anyone named Misty)

My advice to you is if you are second guessing yourself at all… you know it is not right.  I personally would never stay with someone who pulled stunts like that.  When you are committed to someone you would never make excuses or help your ex.

You are a strong beautiful intuitive woman.  Women’s intuition is amazingly strong.

Red flags are a blessing.  When then come up you should thank that they are there and cut them loose.

I wish you the best of luck.

Post # 65
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow. Usually 2 plus 2 equals 4 but something just is not adding up here. He def shouldn’t be holding on to any of her stuff as he prepares to take your hand in marriage. I find it quite disturbing that he does and that this girl has a car in his name and insurance. Those are things you do for your wife not an ex. She’s a grown woman and so she should take responsibility for her own needs. It should not be his. I think you guys need to seriously work thru this before July hits or this is going to continue to be a problem for the two of you. He needs to take back this car, change his telephone number and block her from emailing him. He’s saying he wants nothing to do with her but he’s not taking the actions to have nothing to do with her. Actions speak louder than words. And for him to tell you to use the items of another girl he use to date is dierespectful on so many levels. Who says that?

All in all you guys are about to be married, you shouldn’t be feeling like this with under 6 months left to go til your wedding. The only stress you should be remotely feeling is the stress of making sure your day is perfect.

I really hope that everything works out for the best.

Post # 67
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’s odd to me that he has them, but MORE odd to me that he is still looking at them. In my opinion, even though he isnt sleeping with these women, he is still cheating on you – because hes getting emotional and sexual satisfaction from looking at another woman.

The biggest red flag to me is the financial links between them. Walking into a marriage knowing that they still have joint checking accounts, insurance, and car payments – is financial suicide for the both of you. Worst case scenario – what happens if you get married, she gets spiteful and stops paying the bills – guess who is equally at fault, guess whose credit is affected – his……

a few years later the two of you try to buy a house, a new car… and you can’t because his credit is ruined.. because he was assisting a woman who shouldn’t of been in his life to being with.

I would demand that he cut financial ties from this woman.. or the wedding isnt going forward as planned. You can’t marry a man that is that financially invested into another.. its all kinds of disasters waiting to happen.

Post # 68
Member
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

A couple questions – in that email from him to her that you posted, why did he call you his GIRLFRIEND and not his FIANCE??  Does she even know you two are engaged?

There really is no reason for him to be paying for a car for her.  They were not married.  He should repossess it, which would cut all ties with her.  Why doesn’t he?  I understand that you are trying to defend him by saying he is a good guy, but you should come first, NOT her.  Putting you first means, not letting his credit get messed up by her not paying the car or not losing money for some car he never sees when she doesn’t pay him for it.  If she has bad credit, there is probably a reason for it.

From everything you have said, you sound like a wonderful person and mother.  I’m sure that you love your Fiance very much, but I think you need to force him to sever his financial tie with his ex.  They WEREN’T married so there is no reason for him to be continuing these financial arrangements.

Post # 69
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

This might not be what you would like to hear, but I did notice that you have another thread running about how you’re in love with another man. I don’t deny that your Fiance is in a lot of hot water right now with the decisions he’s made, but maybe your subconscious is trying to make you find a way out this relationship.

I don’t know everything that’s going in your life, and this is a hard, hard thing you’re going through. But maybe it might help you to sit back, look at the big picture, and mull things over.

I hope everythings works out well for you!!

Post # 71
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Maybe you shouldnt be getting married so soon this just seems messy on both ends right now : /

Best of luck : )

Post # 72
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

First off I am SO sorry this is happening to you. This is not suppose to happen while your engaged. This is suppose to be a very happy time for both of you. One thing that Im finding incredibly weird is that tape he says he “doesent” know where it is. I hate to say this to you but honey, he knows. Hes a guy. Not saying that every guy is like that but if hes got other things less intimate then a tape that he still keeps, then hes got the tape too. I would DEFINITELY   postpone the wedding. You wont get clarity once your married. Marriage is pretty much a relationship deal with a very expensive breakup. Once hes got you where he wants you he can do whatever he wants.

   I hope you find what you need. Ive been there. Ive had those type of guys. They arnt good. Until he can find the help he needs, do what you need to do to know you are a worthy girl! Good Luck!

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