(Closed) his ex wife is not over him

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

it was on his ipad, i was gonna use his ipad to send some emails, and there was his ex most recent email right there, 

um, when I borrow other people’s computers and they still have an account open (whether it’s facebook, email, whatever), I purposely make sure I don’t accidentally read anything and log out for them. no matter who’s account it is.

then i searched the name , and maybe a bunch of previous email came out from prevous 3 years.

so instead of choosing to close the email program, you went in and searched for his exe’s name. I’m sorry, but that is not accidental. that is you being quite intentional about snooping. I feel sorry for him.

“unless you buy me a 3 carat ring or bigger or it means you don’t love me as much compared to your ex”

just. rotten. 

Post # 34
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think first thing you need to do, is worry about your own relationship with your Fi, stop comparing and contrasting your relationship to theirs, and stop turning it into a competition of some sort. The second thing you need to do is sit down and talk to your Fi lay all of your cards on the table with him, be honest about your insecurities with him. It’s fine to want some ground rules laid down about his relationship with her. I also think you need to stop speculating because it will make you think wild and crazy things which may not be true. You don’t know if she has moved on with her life, dating, and it entirely possible that she hasn’t spent the last few years yearning for your Fi.

He is with you for a reason. So engaging in this kind of childish behavior will do nothing but cause issues in your relationship with him. I think if a person wants to cheat nothing will stop them. So you need to decide if you trust him or not. Because regardless of her actions, nothing can happen if your Fi doesn’t react too it. I think if they wanted to be together they would have made it happen by now. My friend moved to Hong Kong, met her boyfriend there, he is now back in London, they aren’t married, and knew each other a year, and were dating only seven or eight months when he moved back. My point is if the ex and your Fi wanted to make it work, they would have by now.

Post # 35
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
@chrissss:  You purposefully snopped. There is no way around it. He may have left the email open, but you searched for her name afterwards. That would be SNOOPING. The right decision, as PP mentioned, would have been to x-out of his mail or sign him out without looking around.

As for him going to the US, if you feel uncomfortable with the arrangement, tell him. It sounds like you’ve lost trust and it’s going to take a lot to get it back.

Post # 36
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

He is with you not her so get over it! If she is still not over him then thats her problem.  It only becomes your problem when she start activley trying to sabotage your relationship.  Save a lot of headache and drop it.

Post # 37
Member
8734 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@chrissss:  If you keep up what you are doing you will drive him back to her (or at least away from you).

If you aren’t comfortable with him meeting her, you can tell him that but if you *do* trust him it might go a lot longer way to be ok with him meeting her to show that you trust him.

The demanding of large jewelry and the snooping is pretty immature and seeing as he is a fair bit older than you already, the childish behavior will get old to him quickly.

Post # 38
Member
9832 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

if you meet her, then you can show her that he is NOT a free man, that he has someone – you, and you being there with him and her she will see how much he loves you with the way he looks at you, etc and so hopefully back off! i think meeting her is a good idea, mark your territory in a way lol

Post # 40
Member
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My advice to you is that you break up with him and save yourselves both the pain and expense of a divorce later on.

Post # 41
Member
9832 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

View original reply
@chrissss:  well just agreeing to meet her and going will do that, you don’t need to say anything to her to mark your territory, just your presence will 🙂

Post # 42
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@Jacqui90:  I can sort of understand where you’re coming from with the “mark your territory comment” but her Fiance isn’t a fire hydrant.

If you feel uncomfortable with him meeting up with his ex about the clothes, you need to let him know that. In a non-whiny, non-confrontational way might I add.

If he continues on about meeting up with the ex, it then becomes your decision to stay or leave. If you continuing snooping, and nagging him about the ex, and demanding a certain type/weight/color ring, you won’t have to make the decision, he will make it for you. Honestly, if I were him, I already would have.

Post # 43
Member
17 posts
Newbee

Ok I think some of these replies may be a bit harsh. I can understand that when you discovered the first email you were probably taken by surprise & quite upset. Further snooping  wasn’t the best idea, but you didn’t really find anything very incriminating it seems. I think you just need to decide if you truly do trust him, show him that, and make your mind up to be secure in the fact that he loves you. As for the ring, just look at it for what it will be: a symbol of his love & commitment for you, and cherish that no matter its carat size. Comparing can be a destructive thing.

Post # 44
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Hi, i don’t agree with people here saying that is childish from your part to act like that…It is completely normal, and everyone should know about their fiance’s past and if they were married even more. I would not tolerate my fiance talking to his ex what so ever, that is disrespectful…and someone mentioned that some people remain like family with their ex or something like that…psss YEAH RIGHT…i have heard that before and seen what has happened….smh

Post # 45
Member
9832 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

View original reply
@SweetVanity:  yeah that’s true, but i feel that if she doesn’t go to meet the ex, her Fiance would get upset, and then the ex might think the Fiance is more accessible to her, so putting it in a way that makes the OP comfortable with going 🙂

 

Post # 46
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Don’t worry about his ex, if he wanted to be with her he would, but he wants to be with you! Just be happy and in the moment! As for the ring, what is most important is what the ring stands for, not how big the diamond is! Find something you love, and if it is .5 carat it doesn’t matter!

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