What I’m hearing is that his ex does not seem to be over him. However, I haven’t heard anything from you on what his responses seem to be. If his responses also seem like he has lingering romantic attachment to his ex-wife, then that may be a problem. If it seems like he’s just friendly with her, then have faith in your fiance.
You can’t really not allow him to go visit his ex. He’s his own person, and he’ll do things anyways. In any case view it as this: should your fiance still have lingering feelings for his ex, this visit may be some sort of closure for the both of them. If the worst happens, and they decide to get back together, that may also end up being good for you. Would you have wanted to have gotten married, and perhaps then divorced because he still had lingering feelings for her? If he really has feelings for her and chooses her, then good riddance to him anyways. You will move on and find someone better. And if they see each other, and just remain friends and he chooses you, then you will feel better after that because you can be secure that the person he has chosen to be with now is you.
Many people don’t remain friends with their exes. But we can’t hold everyone to that. People have different personalities. I don’t talk to any of my exes any more. Its not really that I don’t want to. It’s merely a, well so much time has passed, and after we stopped dating it was awkward, so now what could we possibly have to talk about?
But my brother is the opposite. He is friends with probably 80% of his exes. That’s just who he is. He’s a very social person, and his wife accepts that and is fine with it. Ultimately, she’s the one he chose to marry.
I would also suggest that you refrain from snooping again, no matter how great the temptation may be. You may have stumbled across the first e-mail, but you searched for the rest of them. In my experience, it generally does not work out well for women who snoop. My brother’s 2nd fiance had a very bad habit of snooping into my brother’s stuff. She would go into his e-mail, phone records, bank account to track what he was doing. She also had a really big problem with the fact that he did talk to a lot of his exes. She would threaten him all the time, and eventually he couldn’t put up with her juvenile, paranoid behavior. A few years later, they got back together for a few months. He ended it again because she hadn’t learned her lesson. She just went ahead and did it again.
When you go snooping through your SO’s stuff, you’re breaking the trust between the two of you. Even if he gives you permission to look through them, and read the e-mails, it’s not necessarily something you should do. Knowledge is powerful, and valuable; but ignorance is also bliss. It may break your trust in him completely; and your relationship, even if he chooses you, will be damaged forever because trust is not something readily given the second time around.