(Closed) His fam is very Rude to me but I know Future Hubby will invite them Help!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I understand your concerns, but not inviting them will cause even more anger towards you.  I suggest you be the bigger person and invite them.  Kill ’em with kindness and hopefully they’ll chill out.

Post # 4
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Brea:  If he loves youl, he should respect your feelings. Have a frank talk with him. Tell him you worry about their presence there. If he loves you, he will listen.

If he insists on a large wedding, only have those YOU want in your wedding party. DO NOT include ANY of them. Please stop letting these women make you cry. You are going to have to develop some strong ovaries to deal with them for your whole marrige.

Post # 5
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

They are playing games and trying to make you feel insecure. Don’t give them that victory! You can be gracious without letting them walk all over you. Invite them to the wedding and pay no mind to their behavior. There are so many other people to focus on (namely, your groom!) and memories to make. If you are truly worried that they will make a scene or cause problems, appoint a friend or family friend to keep watch over the situation and take care of it if necessary. Chances are that not inviting them would only inflame the situation. You have to react to their childishness and cattiness with maturity and grace, that is the only way to handle women like that.

Post # 6
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would talk with your Fiance and give him a chance to help make things better with his family. After 3 years he should know how they treat you, and should have talked to them about it.

I would tread very lightly when throwing around the idea of not inviting his family. If you are both committed to getting married the two of you will be a family, but asking him to turn his back on his other family memebers on a day that is important to him isn’t necesarily right either. This decision really needs to come from both of you.

Post # 8
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

The way I see it, marriage is the joining of two families. Like it or not, they are DH’s family, as long as he does not intend to cut off all ties with them, I feel like part of being a familiy is sucking it up and dealing with people that you don’t like (even if you have good reason to not like them). For instance, one of DH’s grandmothers is a mean and manipulative person, who has treated me like crap from the day I met her. Darling Husband doesn’t care if we talk to her, but I know it will create more problems in the long run if we chose not to invite her to the wedding. We see her as little as possible, but it’s not worth open warfare and the tension that causes long term in families. She was invited to the wedding and came, and the truth is I was too busy to notice her or give her the opportunity to ruin my day.

Post # 10
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You don’t. These people are his closest family. If he wants them at his wedding, then you pull up your big girl panties and be the bigger person. Be polite, and curteous, and don’t associate with them outside the obligatory “thank you for coming and celebrating with us.” Then continue onto your other guests, you will be so busy you won’t even notice these people.

Post # 11
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My FSILs used to do the same thing. I totally ignored them and went out of my way to be gracious in their presence. After that, I would simply continue about my business as though they were completely invisible. I made it extremely obvious that while I would be polite, I couldn’t care less what they thought of me or how I live my life. Now Future Mother-In-Law is on THEIR backs for being rude and I look like a freakin’ angel. Heh, heh! Eventually they got tried of behaving like middle school girls and there is a tense politeness when we are at family gatherings. Fine!I have no interest in trying to get along with such ignorant people!

Post # 13
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

it stinks that they don’t seem to like you for some reason, but you can’t really expect your Fiance to not invite his family.

Post # 16
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m going to have to agree with most people here, and suck it up for the wedding.  I totally get how disrespectful thier actions are towards you but trust me this will make your lives together much harder every time you have to see them going forward.

Luckily its your wedding, this will sound super immature of me but if I were you I’d have all my besties, family, friends, etc watch out for thier behaviour and have them give them dirty looks and talk about them if they start to act up AT ALL.  Who knows maybe they will feel so uncomfortable that THEY will leave. 

I think you will have enough guests there to preocupy yourself, so not to worry about a few mean girls in the corner. 

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