(Closed) His family big…my family small

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I am a little confused about what you are asking. 

Post # 4
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Your Fiance can’t help that he has a larger family than yours. You can invite the cousins without a date, but you might have some drama to deal with if you take that route, as probably at least a few people won’t like it. Try not to let it bother you that his family will have more of a prescence at the wedding, since you are part of that family now!

Post # 5
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

My fiance’s family is smaller than mine, so he has more friends on his side…worked out well. 

Post # 6
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Can you fit/afford to invite his single cousins with guests? If so I think you should do it, only because I think that’s the right thing to do…even though it can seem "unfair" since you don’t have as many people to invite. Make sure you get to invite all your friends!

Post # 7
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

At my first wedding, his side of the family was much larger than mine.  We decided not to have a "bride’s side" and "groom’s side" at the ceremony, because it would have looked a little silly having a handful of people on one side and all the rest on the other.  However, as others have said, it is not his fault that he has a large family.

Post # 8
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club

I am in the opposite situation from you; my family is enormous, and his is not tiny, but my guest list definitely is more than twice his…in the end, I would feel really upset if I had to ask my guests to come without a date, just to make the numbers between bride and groom guests to be more even in number. I am sure that your family members will have the opportunity to meet and mingle with his family/guests; it could be a wonderful opportunity for new family bonding!

Post # 9
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I felt a little sad about the family numbers too for our wedding. FH has about 100+ relatives on the list and I’m not sure I reached 30. The thing is, we are getting married in my hometown, so I do get to invite a lot of friends of the family and people like my mom’s co-workers who have known me most of my life if not my entire life that I could almost consider family. His family has to come from out of town so we know not everyone will be able to make it which should even out numbers some. Plus I have started to look at it as it’s not just "his" family now, they will be/are mine too.

Just because he may have more physical people present, it doesn’t change the reason why they are all there. They love and support BOTH of you and want to be a part of the celebration of your love for each other. I think as far as who you invite, it depends on what you can afford. Some people will invite an SO if they are engaged, sometimes if it is a serious relationship, and other times everyone over 18 gets the option to bring a date. You have to do what works for you. Your day will be great, the best of luck to you! 

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I had 5 family members at our wedding. He invited 85, so it ended up being around 70. Yes, very lopsided. We had them sit anywhere for the ceremony which worked out nicely. Also, at our head table, we only had my parents, my aunt, her date, and my bridesmaids mom (my "family) and his mom and his grandparents. His dad brought his new wife, so they got moved to their "family" table with their cousins and stuff.

Just include your nearest and dearest at your first family table, then assign accordingly down the line. As in, maybe just parents and grandparents or maybe JUST parents depending on how big your tables are.  

We didn’t give everyone the option to bring a date. They have family there they can be social with as far as I was concerned. Only his one cousin, also a groomsman, asked to bring his girlfriend which we said was fine.

Post # 11
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I have a similiar situation where my Fi’s family table is now becoming 2 tables while mine is not really enough to complete one table.  I was concerned about it looking empty especially compared to his.

  So we are seating the officiate and his wife along with my family’s home teachers from the church at my family table.  It fills it out wonderfully but it is not akward, the group really works well together.  Maybe you could have family friends sit at your family tables to "flesh" them out?

Post # 13
Member
45 posts
Newbee

same here, mine was one table…barely filled up 7 people, his fam was 75 ppl with 10 more his parents’ friends…..

Post # 14
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Maybe you can just explain to the cousins that you are limited on the number of guests due to your budget and venue, but however should space open up, they can invite their plus ones.  I would definitely include spouses of the cousins no matter what.  I have a very small family just me and my parents while my Fiance has a huge family.  The guest list is balanced through family friends.  For the ceremony, I am having people sit where ever they want.  For the reception; it will just be us and both sets of our parents at our table. 

Post # 15
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We’re having the opposite problem, my guest list is HUGE and his… isn’t.

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