(Closed) His family don't care? :(

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s alarming to me that he lied to you about telling his family. I think he worries too much about his family and their judgements, and instead of fibbing and avoiding the situation, he should have asked you to announce it with him and move on. It’s not a very adult thing to do, to lie to your future wife, to spare himself upset from his family.

As for them, well, they shouldn’t care so much that he was married before. They divorced, there are reasons for that, and they should be happy he found a woman who is a better fit for him instead of staying in a marriage that wasn’t working. But you can’t change how they feel, and you shouldn’t let it affect you, your relationship, your wedding, or your marriage.

Don’t cater to them, live your life – but be on the same page about it.

Post # 3
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee

I would say this with love: NOTHING IS PERFECT.  If everything is, Weddingbee boards will not exist.  If you can stop expecting perfection and start reflecting on the facts (eengaged with good man), you’ll see the true blessing of the event instead of nitpicking something you have zero control over. 

1.  His family.  You can’t control people’s reactions, just your own.  It is sad that they have not shown any interest, but that only reflects poorly on them.  Pity those who have no manners love :), not yorself.  Girl you got everything going for you, so their actions should not be able to defeat your swagger just reaffirm your values (that you don’t want yo be like them).

2.  Your Fiance.  I would ask him what his thoughts are regarding the engagement. He has explained himself, as you’ve mentioned, but it seems like his answer doesn’t satisfy you for some reason.  Usually when this happens, there had been other instances that made you question his love for you and this latest is just an addition to the list.  If I’m correct, I think you both need to clear the air. 

3.  Financial.  Have a wedding that you can afford.  Of you’re struggling to make deposits, which is just the beginning, I suggest you stop now and host a party more to your budget.  

Good luck OP. 

Post # 4
Member
7682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

steffyham:  I am guessing that he expected his family to act like this about your upcoming wedding, and wanted to spare your feelings-therefore not telling them.  

Don’t let his family ruin this time for you.  I bet a lot of women on this board would love to have FIL’s that are more aloof, than in their face during planning! lol. It sounds like his sister is supportive.  Enjoy this time with your Fiance and your new little family. 

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