Post # 1
My fiancé proposed to me back in February. I have never been married, but have 2 children from a previous relationship. He has been married before and has 3 lovely children who I have a good relationship with. At first he kept the engagment a secret from his family despite telling me that he had told them. We don’t live miles away so I soon found out that he had kept our engagement a secret. He told me that he was not embarassed or ashamed about asking me to marry him but as a lot of his family are very traditional and set in their ways, he would be frowned upon for wanting to get married again. He would also be the only second family member to be divorced and remarried, so I could kind of understand why he had not shouted it from the roof tops so to speak!
However, we have now been engaged for 5 months, his mum and dad have still not even mentioned anything about us getting engaged. We recently attended a family wedding. A lot of family members joked to his sister ” I wonder who will be next” to my surprise she said “well it’ll be my brother won’t it” and they completely ignored the comment. Not one member of his family congratulated us or even asked a question such as “have you thought of a date yet” or “how are the plans coming on”
I am beginning to feel more and more upset as time goes on, I understand that he has done the whole marriage thing before and his family are very traditional but it has completely ruined the whole special time of been engaged for me. My fiancé says none of it should matter it’s all about me and him, but he wants his family at the wedding. I don’t want to sound awful but why should we have people there who can’t even bring themselves to say congratulations!
I feel like none of his family have taken the engagement seriously. The only input he said that has come from his mum and dad is that they have said they will have no financial input at all, which I completely understand (his first marriage was a big wedding)
We are struggling to get a deposit together for the wedding anyway, I don’t want a huge wedding, just something small and intimate but he insists on everything been perfect but it already feels like everything has got off to a rubbish start! A stone in my engagement ring has fallen out too, I feel like I am moaning about everything but nothing seems perfect like it’s supposed to be when youve recently got engaged!
Has any other bride to be ever felt like this?
Post # 2
It’s alarming to me that he lied to you about telling his family. I think he worries too much about his family and their judgements, and instead of fibbing and avoiding the situation, he should have asked you to announce it with him and move on. It’s not a very adult thing to do, to lie to your future wife, to spare himself upset from his family.
As for them, well, they shouldn’t care so much that he was married before. They divorced, there are reasons for that, and they should be happy he found a woman who is a better fit for him instead of staying in a marriage that wasn’t working. But you can’t change how they feel, and you shouldn’t let it affect you, your relationship, your wedding, or your marriage.
Don’t cater to them, live your life – but be on the same page about it.
Post # 3
I would say this with love: NOTHING IS PERFECT. If everything is, Weddingbee boards will not exist. If you can stop expecting perfection and start reflecting on the facts (eengaged with good man), you’ll see the true blessing of the event instead of nitpicking something you have zero control over.
1. His family. You can’t control people’s reactions, just your own. It is sad that they have not shown any interest, but that only reflects poorly on them. Pity those who have no manners love :), not yorself. Girl you got everything going for you, so their actions should not be able to defeat your swagger just reaffirm your values (that you don’t want yo be like them).
2. Your Fiance. I would ask him what his thoughts are regarding the engagement. He has explained himself, as you’ve mentioned, but it seems like his answer doesn’t satisfy you for some reason. Usually when this happens, there had been other instances that made you question his love for you and this latest is just an addition to the list. If I’m correct, I think you both need to clear the air.
3. Financial. Have a wedding that you can afford. Of you’re struggling to make deposits, which is just the beginning, I suggest you stop now and host a party more to your budget.
Good luck OP.
Post # 4
steffyham: I am guessing that he expected his family to act like this about your upcoming wedding, and wanted to spare your feelings-therefore not telling them.
Don’t let his family ruin this time for you. I bet a lot of women on this board would love to have FIL’s that are more aloof, than in their face during planning! lol. It sounds like his sister is supportive. Enjoy this time with your Fiance and your new little family.