- 4 years ago
Hello bees! I haven’t logged onto here in about 2 years when I realized I wasn’t going to get my proposal as soon as I thought I was and it became depressing focusing so much on it. Well, things are getting more serious now, but there’s a bit of a problem…I apologize for the long semi-rant.
SO and I have been together now for nearly 4 years. He has finally decided that it is time to buy a house and create a home together. He told me he really wants to propose and is willing to within the next few months provided that I “fix things with” his family. He is very, VERY much into his family, more than any of them are into each other – but the bottom line is they are certainly tight-knit. Well, that’s just great and all except for the fact that I’m an only child and am not prone to become close to people, not even my own parents really. They are all outgoing people who crave the company of others; I’m very shy, reserved, and independent. I have trouble making friends because I feel intimidated by most people and clam up out of anxiety. Simply put, our personalities are complete opposites. Which, personally, I don’t think is a bad thing. We’re different kinds of people, no big deal. I tend to be quiet and wait to be spoken to before speaking (other than saying ‘hello, how are you’ type friendly things). I am friendly and kind, I just don’t talk a whole lot. It doesn’t help that I don’t really have anything in common with them and I live in a different state so I don’t see them much anymore. All SO keeps saying to me is none of his family likes me, none of them think he should be with me, or get a house with me, etc etc. None of them like me because I don’t talk. Apparently this is offensive to them…but I have never been rude, I’m always polite, and I HAVE made attempts to start conversations but none of it is good enough. It doesn’t help with him constantly saying how much everyone dislikes me and talks behind my back, judging me – why on earth would I want to strike up a conversation with someone who will just mock me for it later on?
We’ve hung out with them on multiple occassions, gone out with them, I treat their children like they were my own relatives, buy them things, I’ve gone shopping with the sister, bought them drinks, I ask questions about things important to them and listen well – I really don’t think I’ve done anything wrong to be disliked the way I am.
Has anyone out there had a similar problem with SO’s family not liking you? How do you fix it? Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever be truly friends with any of them. No matter how much I force myself to run my mouth and attempt to relate, they still won’t see me the way he wants them to. SO thinks it’s mandatory that we’re all just BFFs which seems so unrealistic. There’s a family birthday party coming up which is my chance to get in there and change some negative opinions – would it be better to just be overly friendly and talkative about whatever I can think of, or should I bring up the issue head-on with some of them individually? I really hate confrontation, but I actually drunkenly brought it up to one of them a few months back, but SO was angry that I did that. I just told her that SO always tells me how much they hate me and the response was “No, we don’t hate you! You just need to come out of your shell more!” which at the time was comforting, but SO was nasty and told me “Of course she’s not going to tell you she hates you when you ask!” so I just don’t know what to do. I always seem to do the wrong thing in every situation concerning his family, but I just feel like all the hoops I have to jump through with them is a little ridiculous and not of the norm. I wish SO would defend me a little more instead of trying to cater to and please the family all the time when I didn’t do anything wrong that I can tell. I feel like this is my last chance to get their approval so we can finally get on with our life, but if I don’t make it happen then 4 years will be down the drain. How should I proceed with this?