(Closed) His family makes me want to run far, far away

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

His family isn’t likely to change, you need to decide if the man is worth the familly.

Post # 4
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

What does your fiance say about all this?

Post # 5
Member
46606 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why did he show you the email from his sister? It seems kind of passive aggressive to show you something that he knew would be hurtful to you.

If you love him, stay with him. You can minimize your involvement with his family. The reality is that many people live long distance from their families and see each other once a year or less.

Post # 8
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

In all honesty, we dont get to choose our families and not all of us are proud to call our families OURS!

I have a GREAT (and everyone will tell you the same) man that struggles with a just down right “spiteful” family! And oh how they lay the guilt on THICK! And I too struggled with that on my step dad’s side as well whom I am very close to. Its hard! But instead of fighing his family learn to “smile and nod”. They are ignorrant! If anything dont take the name calling personal, its their leve, their immaturity!

I wouldnt say that you need to “re-evaluate your relationship” per say, you just have to create boundaries now and make them known so it doesnt seem like you came in and changed everything, if that makes sense. Make your CONCERNS known! Yes concerns, dont make it sound like a complaint, make it a concern!

I was the type to lash back, say mean things back or to him about his family…but that didnt solve anything. He loved seeing me embrace the situation and “smile and nod”. He knew his family had “issues” but how is that his fault or problem!? We all are our own person!

BEST OF LUCK!!!

Post # 9
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

ugh. I thought my FI’s family was bad. If they don’t change their attitude this is going to be a huge stress for the rest of your life. Sorry to say it, but your Fi is either going to have to get them to accept and be civil to you, or not be in touch with them- if he wants your relationship to work. Or at least that’s how I see it. You can deal with them not loving you, but you wont be able to deal with them being outright mean and nasty.

Post # 12
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

how recently was he divorced? they might just be having a very hard time knowing their son/brother’s first marriage fell apart, and now you look like the young rebound fling (i’m not saying you are, just that’s what they might be thinking). if that’s the case, they’ll probably get over it eventually. be respectful to them and stick it out. for now, set boundaries.

ETA: when i said be respectful i meant don’t fall down to their level with the namecalling and all of that. you don’t have to fake being super nice with them, but you don’t want to burn bridges in case they do decide to come around one day.

Post # 14
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

@fakename27: Your man can’t change or control other people, even if they are family. You need to decide if he is worth it or not, you need to assume it wont get better. It sounds like you don’t want to put up with it, so you need to talk to your guy and end the relationship. You can’t make him choose you over them, no matter how terrible they are, and if you try, it will only cause resentment and worse.

The topic ‘His family makes me want to run far, far away’ is closed to new replies.

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