(Closed) His grandmother feels “unincluded.” *Sigh*

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1565 posts
Bumble bee

If anything, I wish FI’s family cared more about the wedding! I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, but I think now that you know she feels unincluded, maybe you could try to reach out to her more? You might not have the kindest opinion of her as a person, but I don’t think it’s a huge deal to email her some photos of the dress or some pictures of the venue or to ask her to make some detail of the decor (since it sounds like she has some skills in that area). I think asking her for one of her own bridal portraits is a great idea, but don’t stop there. I’m not saying make her your wedding planner, but sharing some details is a great way to make people included. I personally live in a different city from both of our families and all but one bridesmaid. The main way I’ve made people feel included is emailing photos of the venue, of my dress, work from our photographer, etc.

Post # 4
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

geesh…I don’t understand why Grandma feels this way and doesn’t she realize that she’s not likely to be included if she’s constantly trying to belittle you by comparing you to your fiance’s ex who was horrible to him. I think its up to you whether you want to reach out to her, but that seems like a toxic interaction waiting to happen.

Post # 6
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with bamboo that she seems sort of manipulitive.  I don’t see why she has to be ‘involved’ so much in the planning.  I guess you can just send her pictures like the ex did but I think it’s sort of ridiculous of her to measure you against the mold that she set.

Post # 7
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Your FI’s parents sound so nice!!!  Wow you drew a lucky ticket in the IL lotto!

Post # 8
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

The bad news – the grandmother is passive-aggressive and manipulative.  The good news – your in laws have her number and are trying to help you.  Since she likes Facebook so much, you can send her a message when you post new pictures related to the wedding.  I actually set up a wedding privacy group, so that I could post pictures of wedding things (like hair trials, flowers, venue pictures and gown fitting pictures) and only my in-laws and bridesmaids had access to the pictures.  It is a nice way to make people feel included when they are at a distance.  

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