(Closed) His groomsman ticked me off.

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@CountryBee: I think you & Fiance should talk to Bob. I have a daughter about your daughter’s age and I know that some people just don’t have the same patience with children that I do. It sounds like your lil one did good on the road, but I wonder if Bob was just frustrated with the day. Were the planning on having it be a “man” trip and then you came and it changed for him. Does he have children? I am sure it wasn’t you or your daughter, it was probably just getting stuffy in the truck. I am sorry that happened, it sounds like the situation can be mended with a few apologies (by Bob)

Post # 4
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

That’s so tough!

I think for a lot of people who don’t have kids, it’s hard to understand all the hard work that goes into parenting (and especially into parenting well!)

Is it possible that Bob was just frustrated because he was anticipating having “guy time” with your Fiance, and had unmet expectations that he didn’t deal with appropriately?

Post # 5
1124 posts
Bumble bee

Oh dear! I would have been awfully upset if he started cursing knowing my little child was in the car. I know people get frustrated, but c’mon, that’s rude.

By the way, what a well behaved little girl you must have! 🙂

Maybe Fiance could have a chat about keeping his cool with Bob?

Post # 6
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would have your Fiance have a talk with Bob.

Post # 8
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You’re a bigger person than I am.  I would have pointed out that he was less mature than a two year old…

My bi-polar brother who used to throw me across various rooms is in my wedding party (he’s medicated now.)  So…  I’m biased.  I would avoid the guy’s company, and request (not demand) that your fiance cut back on their communication.  I would also point out to your fiance that having someone who gets violently angry around your child is NOT a good idea.  In my experience, people who have violent reactions to things just get worse the more they know you.  As far as kicking him out of the wedding party….  meh.  If he doesn’t behave, he’ll in all likelihood be out of your life forever.

Post # 9
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Um, I would let it go.

I’m going to be a bit blunt here, but honestly, I think that you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Yes, it was inappropriate for Bob to curse and it was certainly inappropriate for him to imply that you shouldn’t have your daughter with you. But I also don’t think he really meant it. From what you said, it sounds to me like Bob was simply extremely frustrated and didn’t react well and insulted you. I don’t think Bob meant to insult you (although that doesn’t change the fact that you are insulted)–it’s just really hard, when you’re angry and frustrated, to hear someone ask you to “mind your language” in the heat of the moment. And–I mean this with all due respect, I promise–but I’m pretty sure that Bob’s reaction to the whole thing was that he was trying to make sure nothing happened to your truck and trailer and you are worried about your 2 year old hearing a few expletives. Now, to be clear, you were completely within your right to argue with him–it was your truck, your daughter, and it wasn’t appropriate for him to do that; just trying to offer a different perspective.

I would hope that if this guy is FI’s best friend that he would apologize on his own. Some people are hot-headed and need some time to cool down and think about the situation objectively. I agree that the most diplomatic solution would be to ask Fiance to say something to Bob on your behalf. If it’s bothering you that much and you feel you must have your say, then do it, but I’m not sure if that’s worth your time and energy.

Post # 13
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@CountryBee: girl I don’t blame you for getting defensive. I know how that is! But that’s why outside opinions help sometimes!

Post # 14
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

The question for me would be whether Bob apologized once he had calmed down.  Everyone gets frustrated or angry and says and does things that they don’t mean, or that are inappropriate.  But the mark of a good man, or a good friend, is the ability to come back and own up to the mistake and genuinely apologize.  If he did that, I would forgive and move on.  If he didn’t, I would definitely not be able to just get past it.  He was way out of line.

Post # 15
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If your Fiance already said something to him & told him to calm down, I’d let it go.  If he hadn’t said anything & let the friend say that to you, then I’d be more upset.  I get that it’s upsetting that he was as rude as he was to you with regards to your daughter, you have every right to be pissed about that… but if this isn’t a repeated occurrence, and as long as your Fiance said something to him, l think it’s probably okay to let it go.  I know I’m definitely the type to let something like that really get under my skin, so I know it’s much easier said than done, but try not to dwell on it!

Post # 16
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t know..its one of those things where you can pick and choose your own battles.  I think this is just one of those things to let it go.

1-he doesn’t have kids. So when you don’t have kids you forgot that you are not suppose to swear in front of little ones..common mistake though.

2-he was probably frustrated that you all were lost and the trip was dragged out 2-3 hours-which is a long time to be stuck in a car/truck when you don’t have to be.

3- no offense but he was probably irritated that you & your daughter were there. Yes, but all means, you have every right to be there..but he was still probably excited to hang out with your Fiance. Does he get to spend some quality hanging out time with your FI? I get that you wanted to get out of house, but if it were me, I wouldn’t have asked to come..but thats just me.  I know that my guy likes to hang out and have man time every once in awhile.

4-your Fiance “stuck up” for you and told Bob to calm down. 

I would just let it go..it doesn’t really seem like that huge of a deal to warrant losing sleep over. 

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