(Closed) His hometown, or mine?

posted 6 years ago in Reception
  • poll: Where should we have the wedding?
    Minnesota : (0 votes)
    Ontario : (16 votes)
    50 %
    Florida : (14 votes)
    44 %
    Other : (2 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    909 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Traditionally, you marry in the hometown of the bride. And if your parents are contributing financially then they technically get a say in the planning process too. But those are just traditional notions and that being said you should do whatever is best for your Fiance and you.

    Post # 4
    300 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    That’s a tough spot to be in. Is there a certain church or venue you really want in Ontario? Maybe you could convince him saying it’s your childhood church or something like that?

    Post # 5
    1755 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @pixiecat:  My fiance is from Vancouver and I’m from the midwest, we settled on having our wedding in Ontario where we’re making our home.  But since that’s not an option for you, so, I’d approach it differently.

    Since your family is paying, I’d say tell him that the choices are a destination or your hometown.  The grandparents cancel each other out for both locations, the brother can as you said get a passport.  Point out that either way one or both families are going to be inconvenienced and that a decision needs to be made.

    Is there a place in your hometown you’ve always dreamed of getting married?  That’s a hard one to argue with.

    You’ve offered a compromise of a destination.  Realistically, your parents aren’t going to be happy handing over money for a wedding that his family takes charge of because it’s in their town.  I think the decision is pretty obviously Ontario or a destination and that his hometown is not in the cards.

    Post # 6
    3769 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    If you parents are contributing then they definitely get a say, which will be Ontario.  I think a destination wedding is the best compromise for the both of you, otherwise it sounds like you’ll have issues no matter which hometown you choose.

    Post # 7
    2622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I agree, if your parents are willing to help pay, that trumps any argument he has unless his parents want to foot the bill.

    Post # 8
    7901 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    Traditionally, weddings are in the bride’s hometown, especially since her family traditionally (though not necessarily) hosts. I think you win this one.

    Post # 9
    5107 posts
    Bee Keeper

    We are from different hometowns and we did a destination wedding. Best. Idea. Ever.

    Post # 11
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    In my culture the wedding takes place in the bride’s hometown traditionally, unless another locale is agreed upon. 

    Post # 14
    307 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Hmm it’s a tough one, my first reaction on reading this was that people are going to have to travel no matter what, which I wonder is something that has occurred to him, or perhaps he was just hoping it would be your side that agreed to travel.

    I voted for Florida because I think it is appropriate and the most fair for everyone.

    If he is getting really upset about his family having to go anywhere, maybe you could have a celebration/reception in Minnesota after you get married. Whether you actually get married abroad (Carribean?) or in Florida or even your home town, maybe he will be happier knowing his family and grandparents will still be involved, escpecially if you just have a small ceremony with your nearest and dearest. Get your FIL’s to organise a big party and wear your dress etc, then do the same in Ontario if that isn’t where you got married.


    Ultimately there is always compromise, but neither one of you should be properly unhappy about this big decision you need to make 



    Post # 15
    2297 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    i think you need to give him a week or two to get used to the idea, and then if he’s still not being receptive lay it out.

    ‘FI, my parents are being extremely generous to offer to pay for the wedding. they are also being very flexible in allowing us to have it in my hometown or in florida. but they are not going to host and pay for a wedding in minnesota, so unfortunately that’s no longer an option. since we cannot pay for it ourselves, we need to make the best of the options we do have. also – it would be very nice to have parents ‘on the ground’ to meet with vendors etc in my hometown. i understand that you’re nervous that some people will not attend, but i really think that if we’re positive and give people lots of time, those who are important will make the trip.’

    just lay out your options. point out that pouting about it will not a) make the money appear b) shrink the distance and c) it’s going to cut down on your venue options. tell him that all things considered, you’re in a pretty good place, and that you might as well be positive and get excited about the wedding you CAN have.

    Post # 16
    2297 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    talk to him about ‘representing’ his hometown in a way at the wedding. is there a local beer he loves? try and get a keg. maybe a groom’s cake of a hometown sports team? etc that kind of stuff. sorry i wrote a novel, but my SO is from vancouver and I am from Ontario – so we’ve had this conversation (multiple) times! i feel your pain – it’s really tricky to coordinate.

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