(Closed) His job is making me miserable

posted 5 years ago in Career
Post # 2
2849 posts
Sugar bee

If you work from home, is it possible to travel with him?

Post # 4
3434 posts
Sugar bee

Ok! I totally get it! I moved to a new city (not across the country like you) for my husband’s job and I work from home! I am here to report that 1.25 years later, I am still alive and kicking. I can’t relate to your husband’s absence or travel to Zika countries, unfortunately. I went through a period where I was bitter that I moved for him, and my job took a dive because of it, and he already had friends at work, and I had nothing. It REALLY sucked for awhile. Not going to lie, I had a SUPER rought first year living together. I did not make a friend for about 10 months. I joined a Craiglist book club and since then, have a couple “friends” who I hang out with for scheduled events but do not have a friend I could call up and say “let’s go get a drink where I can be myself and blah blah.” Hence, I’ve posted a million times on Weddingbee. Never thought I’d do that! You have my empathy, and my sympathy.

Post # 6
7887 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I am trying to travel as much as I can now before TTC. I’d think now would be the best time to follow your DH around the world since you telecommute. Could you find someone who could watch the dog while you’re gone? If there’s no one in your area who can help/benefit, maybe you can let a friend or family from your previous location keep him while you jetset! Maybe it’s because I have a DH and not a dog, but I’d prioritize being with my husband. 

Alternatively, you could still get more involved in your new city. There are meetups you could do, volunteer, join clubs, etc. If you want to establish some roots and social network without your DH, you can find a way!

Since he’s so career driven, I also wonder if your time together will continue to be a challenge even if he reaches his career goal. I don’t mean to be a debbie downer. 

Post # 8
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

This would be hard on anyone. πŸ™

It is such a fine line to walk here because, while I definitely agree that spouses should support one another’s career goals, I also believe a spouse shouldn’t persist in doing something they know is making their SO miserable. Were you aware from the beginning that this type of time and travel commitment might be involved?

I don’t really know when I’ll get my next major promotion at work, but I could tell you with certainty it won’t be within the next two years. I imagine your husband must have some kind of idea. A year? Two? Five? Ten? I think you need to ask yourself how long you are able to withstand the demands of this current position and their effect on the marriage (and I mean realistically – don’t say you can’t take it another month, even though I’m sure it feels that way).

I like the idea of seeing whether you can travel with him sometimes. Beyond that, just make sure the lines of communication are open, to the extent possible given the time zone and phone reception issues. Make sure he is showing compassion for your feelings and your situation, and not just brushing you off. Also, when he is at home, is he making the time count and truly being present with you? This could be a trying time in your marriage that you will look back on with a sense of success later in life, and be glad you both stuck it out together. But I don’t believe it is right for any spouse to sit around in a true state of neglect, so make sure that’s not what’s happening.

Good luck!

Post # 10
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Is he travelling to work in other offices? Can you ask for a transfer to the office where he spends the majority of his time?

Otherwise, you must plan to travel with him sometime and ask him to give information on how long this hectic travel schedule will last. Most large companies have ways of helping their employees work around reasonable family schedules if they will last longer than 6 months. 

Post # 12
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
Laur12:  Well, it could get worse, but it could also get better as you adjust. It sounds, from your explanation, like the situation is as positive as it could be, since your relationship is solid and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, even though it’s far away.

Have you considered volunteering somewhere, or joining a gym? Like maybe not a big box gym, but a smaller environment like a yoga or Pilates studio or something? Also I’ve heard good things about meetup.com

Try to see this as an opportunity to develop and explore some new interests. You can go to classes and events any day, for any length of time, guilt free about how much time you’re spending. πŸ™‚

Post # 13
2120 posts
Buzzing bee

Hey bee, sorry you’re dealing with this. I just want to say good on you for keeping your responsibility to your dog – people who don’t have dogs don’t understand. You wouldn’t just up and leave your child, a dog is no different. 

I’d be really upset too. I’ve come to believe that hard work is an important aspect of life, but I would rather struggle and have my OH than be in your shoes. Perhaps that’s from working with an old lady who put all her eggs in the “we have to go through this now and we’ll be better off later” basket and it really didn’t pay off for her at all. 

As other bees have said, try to get out and meet people. Volunteer somewhere, take some classes, join clubs or even (if you have time) get a part time job somewhere that you’re likely to meet like minded people. I lived away from home for 4 years so my Fiance could finish his apprenticeship, and I had basically no friends the whole time. It was really hard, and very lonely. 

Post # 14
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Beach

I know this situation ALL TOO WELL. My fiance travels for work and is gone for months at time all over the country. I know the loneliness you are talking about and we have 2 young children together. Try making a Skype date with your husband or friends. We are so lucky to have the technology of today. I couldn’t imagine how they did it back in the old days lol.

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