(Closed) His mom doesn’t even know!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

@mrsv2be:  Whoa.  First off, your wedding is in 1 month.  So why the heck would she care if it’s that close to the wedding?  I mean seriously, he could just sleep on the couch if “cohabitation” is an issue?  Lying is bad.  You two seriously need to sit down and tell him that his financial issues and lying to his mother are concerning you and that you want everything sorted out before you two get married.

Post # 5
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

So you’re eloping without anyone there?  Are you two going to have a reception when you get back?  Would postponing be an option until everything is settled?

Post # 6
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Does she know that you are engaged?

Post # 7
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

So you’re starting off your marriage with a lie?  You couldn’t find a place to live (with a friend, etc.) for a month so you wouldn’t have to start your marriage out that way? 

If it’s such a big deal, then why don’t you just go off to city hall today to make it official?  Or, if you plan on lying to her, why not lie and say you already eloped? 

Post # 9
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

So I went back through and reread some of your threads…how old is your fiance?

I’m going to be honest, I think you possibly know this deep down, but postponing for a little bit would be a good idea.  You’re 20, right?  I’m 21, so we’re close in age.  You live in Indiana, right?  I do, too.  What’s disturbing to me is that there’s this sense in rushing this or urgency to get married.  You mentioned you two have been together for awhile and you want to get married now, but how about thinking about engagement as a time to enjoy each other and work out any issues you have, so that there’s nothing to worry about when you two get married?  My fiance and I recently calculated our health insurance costs and we found that it would be better to remain on our parent’s health insurance until he graduates college and has a full time job with benefits.  Do you work full time and do you have benefits?  If not, this state doesn’t really offer publically funded health insurance to married couples unless they have dependents (not that it’s a good option either).   I’d be concerned to not have health insurance b/c what if one of you got appendicitis?  It’s sucks b/c like you, I just want to be married to my love!  However, I have found out that I can plan my wedding better since I have more time and I can carefully pick out my dress and save for it b/c I have more time, and overall I think my wedding will be a more joyous event since I don’t have to rush it.  I really considered eloping but we decided that we have time, we have our lives and future!  Maybe I’m wrong on multiple levels about you two, but if I were in your shoes, I’d postpone for a little while just to make sure everything is squared away!

As for cohabitation before marriage, well unless his mom or grandmother is supporting him in any way, it’s not really their business.

Post # 10
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

@LacrosseBride: I don’t think she wants to lie to her FI’s mom, looks like that is more her FIs idea. I think she’d rather him just tell her that they’re living together.

Post # 12
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

@mrsv2be: woah woah. Okay, if you love him and want to make this work so badly, talk to him about all these things! If you can’t compromise and come to an agreement you both can live with on these issues, perhaps he really isn’t right for you… or you should at least put marriage on the back burner.

Post # 13
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@DeathByDesign: but she is lying by going along with it.  She could put her foot down and refuse to be dishonest.

Post # 14
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

@LacrosseBride: It doesn’t look like she is “going along with it” to me. She seems upset that he lied about it. Looks like she just found out it was even a lie. Seems her Fiance has been dishonest with both of them.

imo, her Fiance seems to lack backbone. He should stand up to his mom and say that he wants to live with his girlfriend, and frankly she can’t stop him instead of lying to her about it. 

Post # 15
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

@mrsv2be:  Don’t feel like an idiot.  I see you made some compromises.  I think you should wait to elope/get married.  So wait, what’s the harm in that?  Go back to school, even part time!  Ivy Tech offers courses all over the state, there are various IU or Purdue satellite campuses!  Do what you love and be with him as well! You should find your passion and strive for it, believe me I’m still searching.  I do know this, I love my fiance and he loves me and we’re both willing to wait to get married when it’s the perfect time for us.  Don’t let others dictate your lives!  If he’s pushing you into something you don’t want, then waiting is the best option!  You can still get married, that won’t change, just the date will 🙂  Best of luck!

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