His mom picked the ring

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

wondering1 :  I would be hurt by this too. Have you brought it up to him? 

Post # 3
Member
2081 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

That’s a bit much, IMO. I understand getting his mom’s opinion, but leaving the whole thing to her and not even wanting to see her final choice? That’s just…lazy? strange? impersonal? crossing boundaries?  I’m not sure, but it wouldn’t sit right with me.

Post # 4
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

I honestly would not like that at all. Call me crazy but I feel like what your wedding set is should be… Personal I guess is the word. I feel like that should be something between you guys. 

Post # 5
Member
12128 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I’d be turned off too, but the sales person also had a big mouth. I would have assumed the mom was just picking it up, but your fiancé volunteering the information that he had absolutely nothing to do with the selection is obviously hurtful. Under the circumstances, I’m not sure I believe he paid for it, either. Frankly, I don’t think there is anything wrong with it if the parents helped, but the lack of any involvement at all would bother me.

Post # 9
Member
3740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I would be really hurt by this. It would be one thing if he brought her for opinions but the fact that he couldnt even be bothered to go himself would really upset me. I wouldnt address it with his mom, your issue is with your fiance. I would just tell him that you’re really hurt he couldnt take any time out and put in a little effort to make it personal. The sale associate shouldnt have said anything, but he should have just put in a fraction of effort. It would feel really impersonal to me. 

Post # 10
Member
12128 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

wondering1 :  I would not say anything to her. This is between you and your fiancé. It may not be a big deal to him, but it is to to you. You want to think of him when you look at the ring, not his mother. 

What bothers me even more though is that once you told him how all this made you feel, he seems to want to dictate how you should think and that you need to drop it because it’s “no big deal.” That’s not OK. 

Post # 12
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

I am NOT a particularly sentimental person, but even I would be hurt/weirded out by this. Have you communicated to him how uncomfortable it made you?

Post # 14
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

How overbearing is she?  Does your Fiance stand up to her when she’s being this way?  Take notice bee…..we’ve had many posts about overbearing/controlling/narc IL’s and FI’s who can’t seem to stand up to them.  It never ends well.  Based on the little information in this post, I see a pink flag.  Make sure you and Fiance are on the same page bee.

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