(Closed) His money management (vent)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

Hmmm…It sucks that he said the ring was a priority when it doesn’t seem to be. You should have a talk and determine if the delay is really money related or if there are other reasons why he’s putting it off.

Post # 4
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

Your SO sounds just like mine!!! grrrrr!!

Post # 5
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Have you talked with him about it, are you certain he doesn’t have a ring yet?  It sounds like he definitely should be/have been able to afford it… maybe he just needs a good talking to >_<!!

Post # 7
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I’d venture to say that he’s not really interested in buying you a ring right now. He has other priorities, and he wants to do what he wants to do.

Post # 9
Member
14569 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@missjuli:  He said he was thinking about proposing around the holidays but when he discovered the amount he had saved wasn’t enough to get what he wanted to get me, plans changed.

This is the whole problem with e-rings.  Being able to afford a particular e-ring should never be the show stopper for getting engaged and taking the next steps to getting married imo.  If it’s a show stopper, how about looking at more inexpensive rings!! It drives me nuts to see all these women going crazy in waiting cause of the cost of the ring. 

Post # 10
Member
27 posts
Newbee

@pinkshoes:  I think that the cost of a ring is probably used as a stalling tactic in some cases.

I know of married couples who got engaged when they were young and broke, with an inexpensive ring, then upgraded it years later.

To tease out the issue of whether the cost of the ring is  really the reason for the delay, I’d have a convo with him about how you understand money is tight, how you’re more concerned with committment than carat size, etc.

Post # 11
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@missjuli:  omg, I think you took my life and made a post of it, all the way down to ski accessories and taxes!!!  🙂  Boys can be very frustrating when they keep their lady waiting.  Have you had an honest, upfront conversation with him?  Maybe there is an underlying fear of committment, or a worry that he may never have “enough” money. 

Post # 13
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@missjuli:  Good!  I’m glad he knows exactly where you stand!  It can be a hard message to send, but I’m on the verge of doing the same thing.  Are you working on Mr. Bee’s plan?  I’ve seen that philosophy work really well for a lot of people.  Focus on you and see if he will decide he wants to come along for the ride. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@missjuli:  Actions really do speak louder than words, and his actions are telling you that getting engaged is not his priority. I know that hurts, but it’s the truth. Guys are pretty straightforward creatures, and they do what they want. Right now, he’s doing what he wants- buying ski equipment (his priority) instead of proposing to you (your priority). You can sit there and be patient, hoping that he eventually follows through on his words, or you can have a come to jesus conversation where you establish shared goals and timelines for achieving them. Really listen to what he is saying, help him identify any internal barriers that he may have (commitment qualms, financial concerns, general issues, etc.), and keep calm throughout the discussion. And if he still doesn’t follow through on those mutual goals and timelines, then you’ll need to decide whether your current unmarried status is enough for you.

By The Way… “call me when you reach a decision” really isn’t the best way to handle this situation. Even if he proposes, you’ll always wonder if it’s what he really wants in his truest of hearts, or if he just did it out of fear of being alone/having noone to cook for him/etc.

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