- 6 years ago
Ok, so, a little background.
Us- We’ve been dating a little over a year. This is his first serious relationship and this is my first good serious relationship. The fact that he’s finally with someone more than a few months (with no breaks) is pretty amazing but he had been holding out for a couple years trying to date me. Anyway, it’s a pretty good realtionship- some issues here and there (not unexpected) but we get through them pretty well and are overall happy.
But his mother. Oh my god. So, [boyfriend] goes to school full time and works part time, in addition to having an important role in an academic chapter at school. That doesn’t leave a lot of free time. Fridays he devotes to just chilling so he hangs out with some friends. I want him to have that time, I wouldn’t take that time away from him to make him be with me. Then during the week, when he’s not in class really late, he has to eat at home. Then, starting recently, he’s been told he has to eat dinner with the family on Saturday nights too. And they already spend most of Sundays, until about four in the afternoon, doing “family stuff” (which I’ve accompanied him to a few times- it’s his mother dragging the rest of the family to various stores she wants to go to so she can shop). So that means when I want to see him on Saturdays, I have to see him by 1pm, or we won’t see each other long enough to make it worth it until after dinner (because he has to be home in time) which, on a good night, leaves him free around seven, on a bad night, ties him up until 8:30 or 9pm. Becuase even though he’s expected to be home at 4pm, dinner doesn’t happen until 5pm or 5:30 (worst case, 6:30) then sometimes they even get dragged out shopping afterwards, which means I have even less time to see him.
To explain why he has to… We’re both college students, living at home. His college is payed for through the GI Bill and if his parents aren’t happy with him, there goes the GI Bill/ his car/ a place to live/ insurance/ everything. They’ve threatened it. They’ve done it (but eventually reconsidered) twice.
So here’s the deal. I feel like she doesn’t respect our relationship, or even take it seriously. And the demands his family puts on him is our biggest sticking point. Fine, dinner at home during the week? I can usually see him for an hour or two afterwards, about two times a week. But Saturdays? I have a small window in the morning (because he sleeps late because he’s out with his friends on Friday so sometimes no window at all) and, when they choose to take all night with dinner, a small window in the evening so that means I don’t get to see him for more than three hours at a time. It’s just really upsetting and I don’t know what to do. I can’t pressure him to spend more time with me because he has so little time free and he can’t spend less time with his family (especially for me) because that would cause all sorts of hell.
I know he loves me and I know he does the best he can but I’m so pissed off at his mother for this power play, keeping him on such a tight leash and keeping him away from me. I’m literally in tears over this, and this isn’t the first time.