(Closed) His parents are upset about our invitation wording

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@diamondscan:

I think they’re upset because it’s not like neither parents are being shown, it looks one sided as though only your parents are hosting.  You and your Fiance are paying for half of the wedding, so you have every right to put together with your parents… I dont see why that is offensive to your parents?  They are still being included also.

EDIT, I know money is a touchy subject, is it because FI’s parents can’t afford to contribute, or they’re just choosing not to?  That would change things for me too.

Post # 34
Member
3793 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

My parents weren’t in a position to contribute for our wedding but I knew they’d be absolutely devastated if I indicated otherwise on the invitation, so we said “Together with their families…”  Luckily Mr. DG’s family was really laid back about it even though they paid for the bulk of the wedding (which was so sweet of them!) and we paid the rest.

Post # 35
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@diamondscan:

In that case, then I can see why your parents would be offended because they are contributing even though they have more children and probably more expenses, when FI’s parents can and are choosing not to, I would leave as is then.  If they want to be included as hosts, then they could offer to help pay I would think.

Post # 36
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

your in-laws need to suck it up. if they’re not contributing, they don’t get a say in the invites.

Post # 38
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Well that’s no fun! Honestly though, you have to decide what what is worth to you guys.  My parents paid for the ENTIRE wedding.  We didn’t pay for a thing, and his parents didn’t pay for a thing.  However, my mom didn’t want his parents to not be included in the invitations, so ours said – Mr. and Mrs. (My parents names) and Mr. and Mrs. (His parents names) request your presence at the wedding of (His and my name). 

Talk to your parents about it.  See what they would think about adding his parents names to it, or not including their names (only Fiance and your name request the presence of…).  Then, decide what it is worth to you.  It may be easier to just include them or not include either.

Post # 39
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@kermie: AGREED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 I Wish people would just see this our way!

Post # 40
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Oh man, I feel for you. I went through the same thing with my Future In-Laws, except originally I didn’t put them on the invite at all, it just said “Mr. and Mrs. Leprechaun request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter, Leprechaun to Mr. Future Leprechaun.” Apparently my Future Mother-In-Law was so upset, she cried for days over it. Well, they refused to give us any money (even though they make like twice what my parents do), so why should I put their names on the invitation?  In the end, I changed it to Future Leprechaun, son of Mr. and Mrs. Leprechaun’s Parents, just to end the drama, even though I felt so strongly that they were wrong.  You just have to decide whether it is worth it to stick to your guns, or change it to end the drama.  What would your parents think about not having any of their names (so it just read something like “Your presence is requested at the marriage of….”)? 

Post # 41
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think it’s unfair that you parents are making this more difficult for you.  If they heard that your Fi’s parents have a problem with it..they should’ve just changed it to make them happy.  I’m sorry to be so harsh, but this is your time it’s not worth the added stress.

My Fi’s parents aren’t giving us a penny.  My parents are buying us the cake and bought me my dress.  Still we put “Together with our Parents”..because at the end of the day, it’s not who pays for the wedding that matters to us, it’s who SUPPORTS our union–that’s what matters to us. 

Post # 42
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - The Royal Park Hotel

Oh dear, I am sorry. 🙁 It’s already challenging enough juggling oodles of expectations, but to throw in cultural differences on top of it all–yikes. I’d definitely ferret out whether they’re upset due to a cultural expectation and go from there. And, even if it is–consider whether you want to be battling these semantics for the rest of your wedding. Three sets of invites would certainly solve the immediate problem, but may set a precedent when it comes to other aspects of your wedding. Or, maybe because you bent over backwards on this issue, they’ll be more flexible down the line. Anyhoo, this is all just a long-winded way of saying pick-and-choose your battles, and for your own sanity’s sake remember that it’s impossible to please everyone (even though I think a lot of us feel compelled/obligated to). Good luck sorting this out!

Post # 43
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I was going to start off with something like “pick your battles,” but then I saw your mom’s suggestion.  I think it’s a great idea, keeping their names at the top and adding his parents’ names under his.  It still suggests that your parents are still the hosts and it recognizes his parents as well.  Could that be a happy medium?

Post # 45
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

i think it’s a cultural issue here!

i’m Swiss… and therefore I totally understand where his parents are coming from. in Switzerland it is THE COUPLE who invites for the wedding. it doesn’t matter who is paying for what. i’ve NEVER seen an invite with the parents name on it.

so with that background seeing an invite just having the brides parents name on it… it is really offensive to the grooms parents.

try to build a cultural bridge here.

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