(Closed) His pastor won’t officiate for us…

posted 10 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
478 posts
Helper bee

He’s not marrying you because you choose to have booze at your wedding? I’m sorry, but that’s pretty lame and judgmental on his part. You should remind him that even Jesus drank wine.

Post # 4
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@spinningstars  The thing about Baptist theology, especially Southern Baptist, is that other than a few key points each church can differ greatly in its beliefs.  So recommending a similar church can be somewhat difficult.  

The best option for you might be to try a different Baptist church in the area.  There’s a good chance they might care less about alcohol than his current church.  If that doesn’t work, many non-denominational churches can have similar beliefs to Baptists, so you could look at a few of them.  They’re usually a lot less strict regarding things like alcohol. 


Post # 5
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Just hire an officiant from the area.  Doesn’t have to be from a church and you’ll avoid any potential judgements or problems that way.

Post # 6
5992 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m sorry, but that’s pretty lame and judgmental on his part

this made me laugh, hes a minister, a southern baptist one at that. im guessing making judgements is part of his job

sorry OP, i hope you find the right person for you – goodluck



Post # 7
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@spinningstars I’m pretty sure most Baptist churches are going to be against alcohol.  Every Baptist church I’ve been to (to be fair, there weren’t all that many) and all the Baptists I know are dry.  I usually recommend the Presbyterians (I’m not one, but I’ve liked all their churches I tried).  They vary a lot from church to church, but I’ve found them to be pretty laid-back and they like a good time (or else I’ve just had good luck with my Presbyterian-church-hopping!). 

My fiance is suggesting New Evangelical, if you have them there, and we’re both agreed that anything with the word “Reformed” behind it is also a pretty safe bet if you’re looking for a denomination with similar beliefs/styles/strict levels as the Baptists – again, a LOT of variance between reformed churches as well.  I think you should ask around, maybe even ask at another church who they think might do it for you.  A decent pastor will surely be happy to help you out.  🙂

Post # 8
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m with 

View original reply
@deliciousappleblue on this one – I’m a Presbyterian and we’re pretty laid-back. My church in particular uses grape juice instead of wine for communion but that is only because we have members of the parish who are in Recovery. I’ve been out to bars with the youth pastor and his wife and there’s no issue with those who want to partake, as long as you’re keeping your behaviour honourable.

My advice would be to think about your guests – I’d be happy to have my reverend at my wedding cause I know my friends don’t get too debauched after they have a few. If your friends are the type to go a little crazy, maybe steer clear of clergy officiants.

Post # 9
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@spinningstars Ooh, I’m from Roanoke area too. We had people not come to our wedding because we had alcohol at the reception too.

I would think that Baptist churches that aren’t Southern Baptist Convention wouldn’t mind if you had it at the reception, not on their property.

Post # 10
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Hmmm, I wasn’t asked that question when I booked my Baptist pastor.  I wonder if he’s going to quit on us!  That sucks.  I’m so sorry that happened to you. 

Post # 11
3253 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

There are big differences between Baptist and Southern Baptist beliefs. You could probably find a Baptist officiant who would be willing to do it regardless of whether you have alcohol at your reception, but SBs are notorious for being against drinking and dancing. 

Post # 12
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It varies on the church but I’m not surprised he won’t do it b/c you’re having alcohol. My FH’s family are all southern baptists and a lot of his family members (the really strict ones) won’t attend because we are having a catholic ceremony, when FH told them we were also having an open bar and a dj they told him I was the devil :/

I would just try a different southern baptist church. I’ve been to 3 southern baptist weddings with alcohol so it really just depends on how strict a particular church is on their rules.

Post # 13
21 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

My Mike(I hate the FI’s you guys do) and I both dont drink, and our imediate families dont either but, there is a bar at my wedding. I dont care if others drink as long as no one is stupid drunk, How embarresing! My pastor hasnt said anything about it in fact I dont think he even asked but there was a time in My church when I was younger when dancing wasnt even allowed at the receptions….

Post # 14
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I live in Memphis, TN and I have photographed MANY wedding with no drinking/dancing at the reception. This was a foreign concept to me coming from New Orleans LOL. But from what I understand it is pretty common.

if the ceremony is not at a church can you just hire an officiant? if it is at a church are you forced to find a new venue because of this?

Post # 15
14 posts
  • Wedding: January 2012

We are going to have our ceremony at a Valley Baptist church, they just told us no alcohol at the premises.

Post # 16
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

wow that kind of sucks… It is not a sin to drink it is a sin to get drunk and do stupid things… the bible says so =)

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