Post # 1
My Fiance has 2 sisters. One half (a few years younger) and one biological (the youngest). I am kinda friends with the older one. We’re friends on FB, she’s been to our apartment a few times, and we help her out when we can.
The youngest sister is a COMPLETE bitch! Like with a capital B! Everytime she is near my Fiance she starts an argument which causes my Fiance to lose his temper and then things get ugly. Like almost fist fights ugly. She’s hit him a few times, once while I was inbetween trying to make him walk away. He said that he didn’t even want her at the wedding because all she ever does is start drama. We aren’t friends, she declined my friend request on FB and she lives with FI’s parents in another state. Even her mother is constantly talking about how she’s causing drama at home.
The thing is, when we first started planning our wedding we had a large bridal party. I was going to include the oldest sister as a Bridesmaid or Best Man because I needed an extra person. But now we’ve cut our budget, got a new venue, and cut the bridal party in half. I had mentioned in the beginning to FI’s mom about using the oldest in the wedding. But I said nothing about the youngest.
Well today I had to ask the oldest sister the full name of their grandmother for memorial candles and she flat out asks me if she and her sister were still in the wedding.
I am not sure what to do. I told her that she couldn’t be a Bridesmaid or Best Man because we cut the bridal party. But that if she wanted to, she could read a poem or our broom jumping ceremony. But I told her that I never said anything about her sister being in the wedding.
What do I do? I don’t want this younger sister to start stuff because she has no part. And I don’t want to offend my FILS or my Future Sister-In-Law. But as it stands, the youngest sister isn’t even invited to the wedding at all.
Post # 3
I say you do nothing. If FIs crazy sister approaches you and asks then you honestly say the bridal party number is small and she is not a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Until you are asked, keep quite and dont invite trouble
Post # 4
She has no reason to start stuff if you never asked her in the first place to be in your bridal party. If anyone has one, it’s the older of the two who was a Bridesmaid or Best Man and has been cut (though, I doubt she will given your relationship).
That said you need to have your responses ready so that when younger starts causing drama you can calmly put her in her place.
“I’m sorry _____ that you were under the impression that you were a member of my bridal party. Unfortunately due to finances we have decided on a smaller group of close friends and family to stand beside us on our special day”.
If she tries to pick a fight, calmly tell her that it’s not up for discussion and your decision is final. It’s your day and you deserve it your way. However, in my opinion I think that it would be a kind gesture to try to find some way to honor her, even if in a small way. She is afterall soon to be family.
Post # 5
@VideoGamer: if she isn’t even invited to the wedding how is she going to be in the wedding? I personally think you will have bigger issues with that bomb than the not being a Bridesmaid or Best Man issue.
Post # 6
@j_jaye: if she isn’t even invited to the wedding how is she going to be in the wedding? I personally think you will have bigger issues with that bomb than the not being a Bridesmaid or Best Man issue.
Um, yeah. You think she causes drama NOW?!
Post # 7
Just correcting on one thing: a half sister IS a biological sister…because one of your FI’s parents is HER parent as well….just not both….
I’m assuming by biological you are saying that BOTH of his parents are her parents as well….
I have 2 half sisters as well…..
Post # 8
i would have Fiance handle this issue lol send him into the lions den- it is his family after all 🙂
idk & i think if I were you I would still include his older sister as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, because she is your future sister and its a nice gesture and a chance to bond. It seems as though she was looking forward to being apart of your special day. Good luck! & I hope you can work it out with his younger sister 🙁
Post # 9
I am having one bridesmaid, so to include other ppl in the wedding one will host the reception, another can be ring bearer, dad walks me down the aisle, two ppl can be witnesses and sign the wedding certificate and others can do readings during the ceremony.
Post # 10
@smcs28:I was trying to make a point that the oldest one is his half sister (they share a mother) and the yongest shares both parents. Just to kinda show that he only has a relationship with the oldest. I understand that they are both biological sisters to him.
Fiance is more like a black sheep anyways. He only gets along with the oldest sister and not his brother or the youngest sister. I just don’t want unnecessary drama as it might push him further away from his family.
Post # 11
Oh and we haven’t told the youngest she’s not invited yet. And we might not until closer to the date. We only talk to her/see her once a year at Thanksgiving.
Post # 12
Is not inviting her to the wedding necessary? If you don’t really have a relationshipw ith her she might not even come, so I would really make sure that’s a choice you want to make. Sounds like a recipe for bad blood….or rather, making that gap between him and his family worse. :-/
Post # 13
Not inviting her was completely my FI’s decision. I had all of his family members on the list and he crossed out her name and told me not to send her an invitation because she wasn’t invited.
Post # 14
@VideoGamer: Going through a similar situation but with an uncle I personally would speak to her… she is his sister… I know he said not to invite her but that might be an explosion waiting to happen.
You might want to include her if not it might be a regret for years to come. Have you spoke to his mom about it?
Post # 15
I would suggest that you a) reconsider not inviting his youngest sister. There will be a large amount of drama if you don’t. The repercussions could last years and might cause sore feelings within the entire family. Not the best way to start off a marriage. Also, I would say, let the one sister know you’d be so appreciative if she said an important speech or toast. I doubt the other sister would be so inclined to do any extras anyways. I have many good friends who aren’t bridesmaids, but by including them in different ways, they know how much I love them and want them to be involved.
Best of luck! 🙂