(Closed) His toxic friend

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

What a sticky situation.  Unfortunately, your Fiance is going to have to make a choice – between the single life/friend and you.  It seems as if he’s torn, but wants his cake and be able to eat it too.  

My suggestion is that you two need to move out onto your own.  I know it may be tough, but this is not healthy for your relationship.  You need to talk to Fiance asap about how this is putting such a damper and strain on your relationship.  

I’m sorry that he immediately flipped out on you.  I think the friend is implanating too many seeds into his head about you.  This is not going to have a good outcome if it continues.

I really DO hope that I’m wrong.  I wish you the best of luck.  Please continue to seek your pre-marital counseling and see what suggestions you may gain from that.

Post # 5
Member
14486 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

There are so many things wrong with this picture.  So your Fiance wants to drive this guy 2 hours to see a girl with him??  What does he do while his friend is hanging out with the girl??  Why isnt your Fiance spending time with you instead.  He needs to stand up for you and say no to this friend unless he honestly does not see how hes using him.  Though part of me thinks your Fiance enjoys being with him and doing these things since he goes along with it.  If I were you, he would have to pick.  I could not stand to be with a guy that allows himself to get stepped all over or still wanting to live the single life.

Post # 6
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sounds like even though you sat and talked to him, he still doesn’t understand the difference between the single life and the ‘in a relationship’ life.

This guy needs to respect that you are getting married and your Fiance does not need to be driving him to see a GIRL, for crap’s sake. Tell him to get on a plane or train or ride his dang bike….whatever.

You don’t need to have friends that are friends to each of you, not everyone is going to get along with your Fiance and not all his friends are going to get along with YOU. BUT….the friends you have need to RESPECT your relationship and the fact that there are some things you won’t be doing. Tell this guy to grow up…and maybe tell your Fiance it’s time to see the light.

Post # 8
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@kfraztobe: How far apart are you?  To me that’s more reason as to why he SHOULD be spending time with you when he has a free chance.  Definitely more important than driving his single friend around to hook up with girls.

Post # 10
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@kfraztobe: Yikes. A lot of us are against ultimatiums on these boards, for good reasons, since they usually cause a lot of resentment…but maybe you need to tell him that it’s either the friend/single life or you. Maybe your Fiance isn’t ready to get married…and you should wait? OR maybe he just can’t get rid of the friend…is it possible for your to live together? If you can’t live together before you get married, maybe the issue will reslove itself when you are married and living together and then you can ban the guy from coming over.

Post # 11
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Oh, tough situation. I would ask him very honestly why he wants to continue this friendship, even though he knows the guy uses him. I assume they are both in the military together, right? I can see how it would be hard to get away from him, but maybe he can make friends with guys who are already engaged themselces or even married, so that he gets the kind of support that he needs.  I wouldn’t give him an ultimatum, because you guys are sooo far apart, I don’t think it would work. But, I would tell him how much his behavior is hurting you, and that you wish that he would put your relationship first, and not this single behavior that he insists on being a part of.  I hope things work out. How long is he going to bein Tennessee for? Where is he looking for a place for the 2 of you? What happens once you get married?

Post # 13
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

OH I didn’t realize the wedding is in a month. Are you going to move to live with him or is he moving to be with you? If he moves to be with you then the friend won’t be able to bother you anymore…since it sounds like this guy does not have transportation?

Maybe the friend is just bothing your Fiance so much because the wedding is so close and maybe he is afraid of losing a friend to marriage…maybe it has nothing to do with you personally. I guess a month before a wedding isnt a good time for ultimatums!

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