His younger brother is getting engaged before us…

posted 3 weeks ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
795 posts
Busy bee

First things first why is it a tender subject? His brother/gf have every right to live their life how they see fit. Their happiness has *nothing* to do with yours. Don’t spew negative feelings just because marriage talk is a difficult convo.

Take his brother out of the equation- why are *you* truly upset?

Post # 3
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

If you’re going to have a hard time being excited for them, maybe it’d be best to fake sick and get out of it. It’s not worth ruining their weekend and souring your relationship with someone who will be a part of your family if you end up marrying your boyfriend. I know you’re venting, but just consider it if it’s eating at you. 

Post # 6
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - City, State

catqueen92 :  Girl, I get where you’re coming from! At least kinda.. I am not in your exact shoes afterall 😉 I have had many friends (4 couples) get engaged after dating less time than my boyfriend and I. Despite the fact that I created a “three year minimum” (must be dating for 3 years before getting engaged), I still got jealous when they were engaged 1, 2, 2.5 years into our relationship. And it almost makes you feel a little insecure, right? Like, when is it going to be our turn? I totally get it! A day over our 3 year anniversary I was like “I’M READY! LET’S DO THIS NOW!” So my suggestion is to “fake it til you make it!” Pretend you’re SO happy for them until you actually are! Or, don’t go to the event – pretend to be sick, say you’ve had other plans for months, whatever you have to do, but do it with 100% committment! One day they will get married, maybe even before you. The sooner you start faking it, the better. Your time, my dear, will come! Best of luck!

Post # 7
Member
344 posts
Helper bee

Ouf, that sucks!

Maybe this will put a little bit of a fire under your boyfriend’s butt. 

Hope you feel better soon. Maybe try and give yourself a special treat. 

Post # 8
Member
795 posts
Busy bee

catqueen92 :  um. Ooookay. Maybe you should calm down and have this chat with your boyfriend. Maybe set a timeline to be engaged and if he follows through great. If not, break up. 

Post # 12
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

Aw I’m sorry OP. I get that it stings a little.

If you have had conversations with your bf about marriage and are on the same page, then try to remember that it’s just a matter of time before your bf will be planning your engagement and excitedly telling his parents 

It probably feels discouraging because you’ve mentioned you and your bf are working on some issues in your relationship and engagement is on hold if I remember correctly

If you are seriously doubting your bf will ever propose, that may be a deeper problem worth looking into. I agree with you that it won’t feel real for you until it actually happens because words are just that-words. 

Maybe you could use this engagement as an opportunity to light heartedly talk about what you would like your future engagement to be like. Put a positive spin on it and try to avoid the heavy emotions. Just make the best of it, you know?

 

Post # 13
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

catqueen92 :  If this weekend is going to be too hard for you, don’t go. There is no reason to put yourself through that. I don’t entirely understand what is making this such a tender subject for you (you and your boyfriend obviously have had a pretty rough history with the topic of marriage) but your feelings are your feelings, and you don’t have to participate in this trip if you don’t want to. However, I do think you need to take a really objective look at your relationship and decide whether it is truly healthy and beneficial to your well-being. 

In my opinion, this is a big red flag. It is your relationship that is causing you to feel “sad, jealous, broken, and drained”. Please do consider that. Perhaps you should take a solitary trip this weekend instead, and really try to think through where your relationship is headed. 

I hope you feel better, Bee. You are absolutely allowed to feel jealous and upset. You can be happy for them and still feel sad at the same time. Your feelings are validated. But I do hope you take a hard look at the fact that your relationship is causing you to feel this way. You deserve to be with a man that makes you feel happy and fulfilled, not broken and drained. 

Post # 14
Member
5597 posts
Bee Keeper

I think your bf is the piece of shit here, not the brother. If I were in your position, I’d be upset that my man wasn’t as sure and succinct as his younger brother. Another bee posted a few weeks ago with a similar circumstance – If a man wants to propose nothing will stop him. That’s the lil bro. Props to him for knowing what he wants and going for it.

Post # 15
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2019

catqueen92 :  ugh…..I know how this feels sort of, with my ex it was his older brother (by only 2 years) who had been married, gotten divorced, then started dating a new girl and proposed, all in the time I was dating my ex. It was frustrating and I obviously finally left only to find out a few years later that marriage wasn’t for him, like, he literally plans to never get married or have kids. He definitely did not share this with me and co tinier to say things like, when you’re done with school, when I get a better job, etc….I’m not a fan of saying I “wasted” time but we were together for 5 years, it really was 3 years too long, I loved him and we had fun so it was sooooo hard to walk away. 

What are the reasons your bf hasn’t proposed yet? Has he shared reasons with you? How long have you Gus been in a relationship?

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