His younger brother is getting engaged before us…

posted 10 months ago in Engagement
Post # 76
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Mountains

Sorry you feel overwhelmed. I’m 39. I’ve watched so many people get engaged who were much younger than me over the years. I just had to accept it. I’ve only had 3 long term boyfriends (i.e. longer than 2 years) of which my Fiance was obviously the last.

You’ve been with him for awhile, its time to consider biting the bullet and putting him on the spot. I wasted so much time on guys in my 20s for nothing. In retrospect I should have spent more time with my friends and people who really mattered.

Post # 77
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Why don’t you propose to him? if he really wants to marry you, he’ll say yes. Simple as that. It doesn’t always have to be the guy. 

Post # 78
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

This happened to me except it was MY younger brother and I had met my boyfriend about a year before my younger brother met his now wife.

I’ll be honest with you at first it SUCKED big time. I was sad, upset, jealous, depressed, all of it. I felt ashamed for feeling that way. But, I bucked up and swallowed it down and was happy for my brother.

Then he went and got married at in court house wedding within TWO months of proposing. So I went from proposal jealousy to wedding jealousy within 60 days. It was hard, not going to lie. But I always expressed joy and happiness towards him and his wife and my family even though I felt deflated.

The day before my brother’s court house wedding, my mom cornered my bf about when he was going to propose already. Very awkward situation. But guess what? He proposed 5 DAYS later. Turns out he had already saved up and  was in the process of purchasing a ring when my brother made his big announcement. And when my brother planned a swift wedding time line, my now hubby decided to wait as to not steal my little brother’s thunder. 

So my two cents is, it sucks, but if you’re already having engagement conversations then trust that it will happen. 

Post # 81
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee

I went back and reread some of your recent posts to further understand why you were upset. So here’s my opinion, for what it’s worth.

 – you’ve been together 6 years and no proposal. That sucks. I was where you are once, and I distinctly remember a wedding where I sat with my boyfriend of 4 years and started crying because I felt like he would never want to marry me. He did eventually propose, but dumped me a month later, so….I knew, but I stuck it out anyway and wish I hadn’t.

– 26 and 27 is young. It doesn’t feel that way to you because that’s where you are. Plenty of people get engaged then, but a lot of people don’t. For a lot of people, the concept of marriage is wrapped up in feeling like you are no longer young, I think especially for men. A lot of the waffling about getting married is because they love you but they don’t feel ready to be settled down. That’s fair. However it’s not where you are.

– I get that you are struggling with anxiety because I see a lot of it on these boards. You come across as very defensive and upset. I’m not saying that to criticize you, you have every right to feel as you do. I’m just pointing out that your posts are very emotional. You have also resolved to keep waiting and not walk, which is fair for you to do as you know your relationship best, but then can I suggest that you might be better off away from these boards? I see you posting things as though you are wedding-planning, which means wedding is very much on the brain, and I think for the sake of your relationship you need to take a break from thinking about weddings and engagements so much. I think it’s probably making you more anxious to be constantly thinking about it. 

I hope things get better for you. 

Post # 84
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

No one said it wasn’t your decision to wait 6 years… I certainly didn’t, but if you do wait 6 more years and nothing happens I hope your opinion changes and allows you to become happy in a healthy relationship where YOU and your partners wants and needs are met and respected! Wish you the best!

Post # 85
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: By the lake

catqueen92 :  So what are you going to do to make yourself feel better?  If it bothers you this much, talk to your boyfriend and ask him what his intentions are with you.  I have the right to respond.  This is a public forum.  Just like you have the right to post what’s on your mind.  Btw.. I don’t read other people’s response, so forgive me if my questions have already been asked.

Post # 86
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

strawberrysakura :  This! 🙌

If she’s truly okay with waiting and the state of their relationship then she needs to cool it on the boards or it will just make it worse. Totally agree. Its unhealthy. 

Post # 87
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

Just commenting for support to say that I’d feel the same way if I were you. My husband’s younger brother started mentioning wanting to propose to his (then 21 year old) girlfriend and it was super frustrating. We are older, we’d been dating longer, we were living together and they were living at home with their respective parents. They weren’t even done school yet. My husband and I were very close to getting engaged and I will tell you … it was so annoying!!! Luckily my husband’s brother is the “all talk” type and likes attention lol. He didn’t actually propose for three more years. But at the time I was furious thinking they might get engaged before us when we had put in the time and work as a couple and were actually functioning as an adult couple and they weren’t. It was obnixious, my husband and I were both pissed, the end haha. That was my story! My point: I don’t blame ya girl! 

Post # 89
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

catqueen92 :  For what it’s worth, my hubby projected the same attitude all the way up to the proposal. I literally had an ultimatum fight with him after my brother’s proposal and he didn’t let on at all about his plans. Not saying it’s the same for your guy, but it’s worth it to keep the conversation open and clear with him. I’m ashamed that I acted like a brat leading up to the proposal. In a way it took away from some of the excitement of the actual moment.

Post # 90
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

If you’re telling him you don’t need a huge proposal or ring or any of that, and he STILL doesn’t want to be engaged, then honestly he doesn’t want to marry you at this point. I’m sorry, and I don’t mean it to be harsh, but i’ve seen it time and time again on these boards. 

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