His younger brother is getting engaged before us…

posted 9 months ago in Engagement
Post # 123
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

catqueen92 :  Hey girl, I know this is a late response, and I don’t know if your mood has changed since writinig this post, but i’d like to say your situation is understandable. I get that you kinda wanted to see yourself work through it and get engaged without having someone in the family come and do a surprise engagement in the works, which will make it seem like they are so much more in love than you and your beau. And if you get engaged soon, it’ll seem like you’re following after them, when in reality, you guys have been both talking about it for awhile now. I get it. Along with whatever else you’re experiencing, that could be a heavy load to try to be happy for them. 

 

I would say, maybe just try to see this as an opportunity to see what you do/dont want in your engagement and wedding? Communicate that to yourself and your man. You can see what will or notwill not work for you at your wedding based on the in laws? So this way you go through less stress on your big day 🙂 wish you the best!!!!

  • This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  ysel.
Post # 124
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

catqueen92 :  I would be more upset at my boyfriend if i were in you’re shoes , you have every right to be upset though this situation would hurt me a lot. I would have a serious talk with my boyfriend and ask him if he sees a serious future with you and having hope is great and all but it could either make you or break you. I would give him a timeline and if he does not fulfill I would walk away and not give him anymore time or “hope” sometimes it’s what we ladies have to do. 

Post # 125
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee

It’s very natural that your feelings were on your boyfriend’s parents’ minds. They evidently like you and are probably wondering when it will happen themselves. 

Do you think your boyfriend has clued them in that he’s having a hard time closing the deal and you’re unhappy about it? The fact that they both mentioned it to you points to that, but I also think it’s a good sign if he’s opened up to them. 

Post # 128
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

catqueen92 :  That’s great to hear! I have a similar story. My bf and I have been talkign about engagement soon A LOT and its more jsut a matter of waiting/time. My little sis got engaged this december and getting married this septmeber, so it defenitely slowed down our plans somewhat so we dont rain on there parade/ or make it seem like were ust getting married bc we see that they are. As if it is some competition. All i need to keep in mind is that i love my bf, and plan to marry him soon and i will belooking at my sis’s wedding for my personal do’s and dont’s for the big day. Best of luck on this beautiful journey of yours! MAybe your beau will pick up the pace in seeing the engagment process! Fingers crossed. <3

Post # 130
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

catqueen92 :  I am sure I’m not the only one super tired of other women tearing other women and their relationship apart on this site. I appreciate your honesty and think that you have every right to be frustrated. I’d be 100% frustrated too! My bf’s younger brother also got engaged before us. I think for us, the only saving grace was that they were together for 8 years and we’d been together for 3.5. If it were the opposite I would’ve lost my shit. And we have a very close and open relationship.

Without disclosing much further, to add credibility, I work with individuals, couples, and families daily (I work in the mental health/clinical psych field). 

Post # 131
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

catqueen92 :  LOL oops, he’s my fiancé now. Probably should’ve mentioned that…

Post # 132
Member
8327 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I have nothing much to add really, you seem in any case to be very self aware and reflective.

All l wanted to say was be careful how much and with whom you share details irl. It can be mortifying to have people knowing you are apparently not lovable or desirable enough or whatever construction they put on your bf’s inability/unwillingness to get engaged  and married  :  

It,s all water under the bridge now but l remember how it felt when everybody knew my first husband was unfaithful. I do wish l had used some anodyne formula like ‘it didn’t work out’. I felt like everyone was speculating what l lacked that ‘made him do it ‘ ..

So, be cautious and prideful. I know you said traditional gender roles are important to you, so that must make your bf’s reluctance/inability even worse for you. Chin up dear bee, if he can do half the work on himself you have done on yourself, he may be worthy yet. 

catqueen92 :  

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