(Closed) Hive hugs or advice! Anything!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should we do?
    Be responsible and both work our respective jobs until November. : (9 votes)
    29 %
    Both quit and run away to Mexico. :) : (2 votes)
    6 %
    Husband gives notice, moves here, and hope to find work. : (0 votes)
    I give notice, move there, and hope to find work. : (20 votes)
    65 %
  • Post # 3
    513 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Can you go to him?

    I am sorry that you are away from your love. You know what they say about plans? 

    Plans change.

    It’s challenging to be thrown for a loop, but you will see that there is something good that is coming from this. You just don’t know what yet. You two are stressed and don’t see the next step, but there is one. 

    There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

    You’ve made it this far and what is best will be.

    Good luck. This economic situation is very challenging and can be stressful. But if you’ve overcome the distance in the past, you will do it again. 

    Think about what you want and not about the how. That’s not for us to worry about. Just think about what you want (without also noticing the current lack thereof) and you will naturally go that way. Think about what you want and about what it would feel like to have it. 

    You’ll be there soon.

    Situations like this are opportunities for greater clarity about what you want.

    Hugs Hugs and more Hugs!

    Post # 4
    1044 posts
    Bumble bee

    Is there any way that you could sublease the apartment for the rest of the months so that you could move together with your husband?  The guy that we’re renting from lowered the rent to sublease to us since he bought a new house and didn’t want to pay a mortgage and a rent.  So he dropped the price of the rent by $200 so that people would be more willing to rent.  Is that possibly an option?  You could post on Craigslist for free.  That’s how my fiance and I got our place now.  Let us know what you decide.

    Post # 5
    666 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    Lots and lots of hugs. I’m sorry to hear you are going through this.  My fiance and I have been in a similar situation for the last 5 years.  Like you, we have been hoping to rectify the situation ASAP, but this economy really is not helping.  So, we are still 92 miles apart.  I can only imagine what 6.5 hours is like.  

    I know you didn’t plan to be in this position after the wedding.  After the shock wears off and the facts reveal themselves (like when your position will end), it will become clearer what you need to do.  

    Hang in there.  I know it’s tough.  You’ll get all the wedded bliss you were planning on, just not quite yet.

    Post # 6
    1064 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    You sound like you have a very strong relationship, everything is hitting at once, it always does. Try to see past the very immediate situation. Maybe you should move to him since you already know you’ll be losing your job. Sorry to hear that by the way, that’s very scary. It’s hard to see now, but spending money on rent for an apartment your not using is worth it to be with your husband! Keep your head up, you’ll move through this.

    Post # 7
    4480 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

    Oh no! I am so sorry about your situation. Hopefully you can sublet through November (and maybe subsidize part of the rent to get a sublessor faster!). I’d start looking for a job in his neck of the woods ASAP if I were you. It probably won’t happen right away in this economy (drag) but might as well start early. It’d be awful if you were both unemployed, so you might have to do the moving!

    Post # 8
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    Find out if either of you can work from home (telecommute) 1-2 days a week so that you have that extra time together.  This really is a shame but it’s short term not long term.


    It will get better, you just need to get through this period.

    Post # 9
    209 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I think that if you have vacation left- you should save that for when you do have to leave your job- then you have that extra money which could help pay for the rent if you dont find a subleaser- i don’t think that you should be taking vacation when you know your position is going to be eliminated- that way you have money to pay for things now- or have extra money for when  you will be looking for a job- you should start looking now

    Post # 10
    7081 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2009

    One of my very good friends had to be long distance during the first 8 months of her marriage.  She said that was much harder than all the years of long distance leading up to the wedding.

    I did long distance for 2 years (before we were engaged), so I know the challenges (though not within marriage).  As part of surviving that difficult time, I found a website that helped us work through some of our issues.  Here is the link:


    Post # 11
    3285 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    does he have a good job?? 

    Post # 12
    1276 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    LD marriage for some period of time is very common in my field.  We’re actually going to be doing it for the first year also (unless he gets fed up or we win the lottery, he quits, and moves out to DC with me).  But this is a decision we made.  It would be very frustrating if soemthing beyond our control forced a longer separation on us than we watned.  I voted for quitting and moving to find a job with him, but I don’t really know the circumstances that made you initially decide the other way around.  Does he hate his current job?  If you quit and move out there, it may make him feel more trapped in it.  I think in the end you should do what feels right, even if that means forfeiting a few months rent (assuming it doesn’t break you financially).  I quibble with your poll b/c I don’t think it would be irresponsible to decide that being together is more important than working apart until Nov 1.  It’s a very personal decision, and there’s nothing wrong with weighing your emotions and relationship heavier than your finances.

    Post # 13
    157 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    What about this? Both of you start ‘resume-bombing’ in both places – where you currently live and where he currently lives.  That way, you may know within a couple of weeks which job market is going to be better and which city would be the better option for you. 

    Also, what is his living situation? Would he have to sub-lease as well? Sell? Or can he move with no strings attached? 


    Post # 14
    631 posts
    Busy bee

    I will also tell you that if you break your lease, and your landlord finds a new tenant (rather than you subleasing), the landlord cannot legally seek rent from you.  As long as he gets the money one way or another, he can’t ask for rent from you.  Also, the landlord may be willing to negotiate with you  — perhaps he’ll let you out of the lease for a small penalty payment?

    The topic ‘Hive hugs or advice! Anything!’ is closed to new replies.

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