(Closed) Hmm, I wonder if my invitation addresses offended???

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I included titles on my invitations, but we had a formal wedding. Your invitation is supposed to set the theme and vibe of your wedding, and if that isn’t super formal than that is fine!

My father in law is a Dr. also, and I know he gets offended if he is addressed Mr. instead of Dr. But I also know several other Drs who wouldn’t care either way.

Post # 4
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

There are a million and one ways to address invitations, I was just planning on doing full names and no titles. My mom has addressed all the mail she sends me as Dr since I graduated which I think is cute. But it wouldn’t bother me at all if I received mail without Dr on it.

Fiance family all know me by my short form name, so when we got an invite to his cousin’s wedding I was addressed my short for name (neither of us got Dr) and my place setting had my short form name. It was all fine to me, because that is what people call me.

Post # 5
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sure you’ll get a lot of backlash from bees but I could care less. I made our labels the way that I was given names and I know my Future Father-In-Law changed a lot of them so I guess I made him mad. I also just put Smith Family on a lot of them. 

Post # 6
9202 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@ferdie224:  We’re having a fairly informal wedding and I also just used people’s names.  I would be literally shocked if anyone were offended.  I wouldn’t worry about it – maybe they just wanted a chance to be fancy on the rsvp card.

Post # 7
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@ferdie224:  I would assume everyone you invite to your wedding are close friends and family members, that you’re comfortable enough by addressing them by just their name or nickname anyways. I wouldn’t see the problem. I personally think its a little anal if they get offended and write their full name in, instead of just a yes, we’re attending 🙂 

Post # 8
12050 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ferdie224:  I did not include titles but I did use formal versions of peoples name (in all but a couple cases, Future Mother-In-Law does not like the full version of her name so out of respect I used the abbreviated version) and now that I think about it I did forget on a couple others.  I used the last name that people go by, I didn’t do Mr & Mrs John Doe.  it says John and Jane Doe, or John Smith and Jane Doe or John Smith, Jane Doe and Jimmy Smith-Doe as the case may be. 

Mind you these are my STD envelopes, i haven’t done invites yet.  I hope no one is offended though – I don’t think I have any Dr’s on my list…

Post # 9
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We only did formal titles for “Mr. and Mrs.” married couple. The one time that I felt awful was when I realized that I addressed something to Mr. and Mrs. when I really should have addressed it to Bishop and Mrs.

Post # 10
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t know why this topic irks me. People who are that anal to get offended over an invitation rub me the wrong way. I think you did it right, you set the tone for your theme.

Everyone should just be thankful/happy to be included!

Post # 11
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

I haven’t sen invitations yet, just Save-The-Date Cards, but I used the long form of everyone’s name, without titles (Mr/Mrs/etc- I don’t know any Drs). And it turned out to be aa bad thing.

Like PP, my Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t like the long form of her name (I didn’t know), and Future Father-In-Law goes by the short form of his middle name, so for him I wrote Firstname Middlename Lastname. 

And then I get an email from Future Mother-In-Law asking if they can just be Hershortname and Hisshortmiddlename when we do invitations. Embarassed Whoops.

So, long story short, some people (like Future Mother-In-Law, Future Father-In-Law, and FI) really hate the long version of their name, so the full name isn’t always better. Lesson learned! At least we got this figured out before I printed their names on the invitations as FI’s parents.

Post # 12
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ferdie224:  People probably just wrote that way because it’s customary.  We chose to do a very formal outer envelope but the fact of the matter is, it’s immediately thrown away.  I wouldn’t worry about this too much!

Post # 13
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I agree with others, that some people just see weddings as automatically formal. I sorta doubt they are offended, and if they are…that part really isn’t your problem. 🙂

Post # 14
12974 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You’re right, etiquette does say you should use titles, but, so you didn’t, big whoop.

We used titles on all of our invitations, but we had a formal, black tie optional wedding.  Not using titles would have been strange.  I think that it might have been nice for you to have used titles (weddings are, after all, a formal affair and not just an invitation to a birthday party or something), but I think if someone gets offended about that, then they have bigger issues to worry about..

Post # 15
9551 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m having an informal wedding and so all my invites were addressed to common names – “Katie and Dave Smith”. I don’t think anyone has been offended. We actually wrote their names on the RSVP for them, so it’s a different situation, but nobody has corrected me. Except one person that we spelled her name wrong (In my defense – this is my fiance’s cousin and I asked him to check spelling before he addressed them, but oh well). 

Did your RSVP cards have the M_________ thing? If so, that’s why people are using the formal titles. If not, it’s probably just how people are used to writing their name, perhaps they are just generally more formal kinds of people. But I don’t think it means they were offended. So don’t stress. I’m sure it’s fine.

Post # 16
3731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@ferdie224:  I do not think most people were offended. However, I want my full, formal name on a place card so I think that may have been why they responded with their full names… you know, in case you didn’t have them or whatnot.

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