(Closed) Hmm….what to do…what to do….about my friendship

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@sinfulli2sweet:  Honestly, I wouldn’t make her your Maid/Matron of Honor. It sounds like your lives and priorities have gone separate ways. That’s completely normal and okay, and it’s great that you still feel a bond with her. However, this situation has a high potential for drama, and that’s just not what you need when planning your wedding. I would ask your girls all over again to start anew with the whole process, and I would pick someone more like-minded and supportive to be your Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 4
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Maid/Matron of Honor is huge, Your going to have to live with those wedding photos and your choice of who stands next to you and your Fiance on your big day (as your extra support) for the rest of your life. I really wouldnt want stress of her emotions and drama on top of your day. You want to enjoy it, anyone negative against it shouldnt even be invited in my opinion
Good luck!


Post # 5
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@sinfulli2sweet:  Its difficult but it looks like you are at crossroads. Do you want this person who youve grown apart from and cannot seem to support you around? 15 years is a long time which makes it really hard. Maybe invite her out to lunch and not talk about your wedding to see how things go? If it is much the same it may be time to let go …

I would not invite her to be Maid/Matron of Honor though. You definitely need someone who can be supportive. However, why is it she doesn’t like the relationship?

Post # 6
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014


@sinfulli2sweet:  this is a difficult situation. To me, there are 2 parts to it.

1) you feel like your relationship has changed and you have nothing in common. This happens. It is shit as you’ve been besties for 15 years. Sometimes you gotta just leave it and move on.

2) you feel she is making comments about your relationship behind your back. You don’t know this for sure. if it wasn’t her that was making comments about your relationship would change the fact that you feel you have grown apart? Would your friendship be better? If yes, I would speak to her about it and it might save your friendship. If no, then you need to just gradually grow away from her. Can I ask how old you are? Is it a we have been friends since 5 yo and are now 20, or friends since 15 and now 30?

Post # 7
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@sinfulli2sweet:  Friends definitely do tend to grow apart as they have different life changes. I would try to spend some one on one time with her so you can get her away from the other friends who work with her, and see how she acts. Maybe she feels like she doesn’t have much in common with you and that’s why you felt isolated around those girls in the past. But with a one on one meetup she would be forced to talk to you. I know what you mean about being passive aggressive, because I tend to be that way too, but you don’t want to be that way when it comes to people who may be your bridesmaids. It’s best to just be frank…in a tactful way of course.

Post # 8
48 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

I can honestly say I am in a very similar situation relationship wise… However only TWO out of 4 of my BMs are the same. The ones that had a problem with the decisions i made in my life and my relationship were sent packing. I chose to surround myself with people who embrace my relationship and my marriage for who we are now and not who we were or what we’ve been through. Our junk is our junk just like theirs is theirs if they can’t be accepting of that then so be it… I lost a lot of friends in the process people who ive been close with for 20 years and because they dont approve then i dont feel like i need the negativity…weddings are supposed to be a celebration and im not walking on eggshells for ANYONE!! Good luck!!

Post # 9
31 posts
  • Wedding: March 2014

I am in a similar situation. My best friend and I have been friends for 15 years and have grown apart over the last two years as well, she became distant from me when I became pregnant with my daughter. It was really strange, we still talk mainly via text as opposed to talking everyday on the phone. Now, that we have made the decision to start planning our wedding I haven’t even told her. We kind of just decided we wanted to get married on our anniversary next year so it wasn’t a big proposal or engagement announcement and at this point only a few close friends and family know but not my best friend seems strange right. And at this point I don’t know that I even want to include her in my wedding. I know how you feel when someone you always thought would be there standing with you is now barely a consideration. I’m torn myself but the best advice I can give you is pray about it and follow your heart, that’s what I’m trying to do. Good Luck and Congratulations.

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