Post # 1
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
So my wedding was already 76 days ago. My wedding was awesome everyone that came had fun, and we had fun. BUT there is always a BUT I still cannot stop dwelling on all the people that no showed. We had FULL tables of people that did not show up. This is six to eight to a table. So it was noticeable. Yeah, everyone told us why they didn’t come in the few weeks following. We had excuses like my “car broke down” to “I had a graduation to go to instead.” Or “I broke up with my boyfriend” “At the time I smiled and said “Oh it’s okay, don’t worry about it.”
When I really wanted to say “What about the plate of food we paid for you?” Or the time I took making sure your ass had a place to sit? Or the extra money that went into favors?
Yes I expected SOME no shows (cause YES stuff does come up), but the sheer volume of people that choose to do something more important that come to our wedding which they RSVPD for pissed me off.
What brought this up, and gets me to my point—I was talking to my cousin on facebook (he was a no-show), which before the wedding we talked all the time, but now I’m not interested in talking to him, because I just realized I am holding a grudge. I am not thinking about it constantly or anything, but when my husband talks about his uncle Jeff who is doing this and that, I cannot help but think your uncle Jeff is an asshole, because he didn’t show up to our wedding. (As an example) People who did not show have secretly been on my shit list without their knowledge.
I don’t want to do this, but I cannot help it. I am mad at the people that did not show up, because of all the time, effort, and money I put into our wedding. We are not millionaires, and I spent a lot of time making sure certain aspects of our wedding were distinctive.
I am hoping more time will help heal my wounds.
Anyone else upset about something that happened at their wedding, and cannot let it go? Any advice on how I can let it go?
Post # 3
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
what the hell it’s bizarre and weird that six to eight tables were no shows! If that amount of people didn’t show up it would be half of my tables and guestlist, and it would cost me thousands of dollars in food and unneed items for tables and ectr. The excuses sound flimsy! I would be stewing over it too.
At the end of the day your wedding was still great, and after bitching for a while let it go not for them but for your sake. I also think your cousins owes you a good explanation for why they missed yoru wedding.
Post # 4
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
I don’t blame you for being mad. What they did is unconscionably rude. These are piss poor excuses. Yes, stuff does come up, but these all sound like bs. The only acceptable excuses in my opinion for missing a wedding after you RSVP’ed yes to it are you are really sick, was in an accident, or a close family member was in an accident.
I would express my honest feelings to the people who did not show up on your side, including your cousin. Something like, “You know, I am really disappointed that you didn’t show up and had such a lame excuse for not doing so.” This goes doubel for the person who said they had to go to a graduation instead!
Your husband’s side is a little trickier. You may want to discuss it with him about how to go about it.
Post # 5
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
I’m a grudge holder of the highest order. And I have a long and dangerously good memory.
I would have to say something to the people I really gave a shit about. I would not be able to move on if I didn’t. There is such a difference between saying no and just not showing up.
That said, if you’re unwilling to talk to your loved ones about their poor behavior you have to allow time to heal the wound. And for the most part, I think it will.
Post # 6
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
There are definitely some people that I don’t know how I’ll even be civil to them at social occasions in the future, people who were extreme in their no-showiness, who are hubby’s friends that I didn’t like much in the first place.
One of them even told people him and his fiance weren’t coming days before, so we called him and he lied to our faces (“of course i’m coming!”) then didn’t, and used a sick relative as an excuse which was a LIE! How horrible of a person do you have to be?
I am also holding a grudge against someone I DO like, who at least told us he wasn’t coming, but said it was his aunt’s 50th birthday. DH was like “but she’ll have other birthdays, this is my only wedding and I really want you there”. It broke my heart!
Time will heal some wounds, but a couple of them I will never respect or like ever again.
Post # 7
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
@Cecilia37:
One of them even told people him and his fiance weren’t coming days before, so we called him and he lied to our faces (“of course i’m coming!”) then didn’t, and used a sick relative as an excuse which was a LIE! How horrible of a person do you have to be?
That is horrible! Have you ever talked to him again?
Post # 8
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
trust me i know how you feel. everyone showed to our wedding that said they would, that not my problem. the problem is when people dont know how much stress you are going through, how much little stuff you have to do towards the end. one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man texted me asking me where the hall was for rehearsal dinner 15 minutes before she was suppose to be there. like really ? i dont have 1000 other things on my mind, you should have thought about this yesterday. this same Bridesmaid or Best Man didnt lift a finger when it came to my parties and she was just clueless but yet she is so book smart i dont get it. trust me every dog has their day, shes engaged and is coming to me for advice because Maid/Matron of Honor isnt doing anything and she doesnt know what to do. she has asked me about everything, DJ, photos, flowers, where get get a dress. its called karma.
Post # 9
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
RUDE, RUDE, RUDE. I’m sorry OP. Yes, sometimes unavoidable things or “emergencies” come up, but to have that many people no show, for reasons like to attend another party, because they “forgot” or whatever is so unacceptable.
Sometimes I also have a hard time not holding grudges about things that really make me upset. I’ve found time does help. Otherwise, maybe it is good to confront some of these people. You don’t have to be nasty about it, but it is good to get off your chest how sad/hurt you were. Maybe the next time someone apologies, you could say something like, “I guess it’s ok. It was just sad b/c I had full tables of people who RSVP’d yes then ‘no-showed.’ I was just dissapointed to not get to spend the day with people who were important to us, in addition to all that money wasted.” People should be made aware of those things. Good luck!
Post # 10
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
@mimi123: He’s DH’s friend, I don’t know what I’ll do when I have to see him (rare anyway). He’s the kind of person that will just never talk to you again if you call him on his BS, and Darling Husband wants to stay friends with him, so I’m going to try and respect his wishes. It’s hard though, I’m not good at biting my tongue.
Post # 11
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
@TwoCityBride: It was about 3-4 tables with six to eight people sitting at them. I felt bad cause some couples ended up sitting alone at a table, but I eventually told them to move to a table with more people.
To everyone else- If the wedding comes up I will say something to the no-showers, but I’m not going to bring it up out of the blue.
I do think the problem is that people HAVE NO IDEA what goes into a wedding. The stress, the planning, and time commitment it takes. So no showing for them is like not a big deal at all, it’s just someone’s wedding. They don’t understand how disrespectful it is to not show up.
Post # 12
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Yes it is sucky when people dont show up. A good number of people didnt show up to my wedding too and it was very annoying because I know so many people and it was hard to keep the guest list to 175. The only good thing is quite a few people crashed my wedding and they filled in the empty seats so it wasnt too noticeable.
Post # 13
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
That’s incredibly rude. I don’t blame you for holding a grudge. You are also under no obligation to pretend it’s ok when they give you those BS excuses.
Post # 14
Member
2855 posts
Sugar bee
@Jamie42003: I am really surprised by how many people on this board hold grudges. A lot of people in my family do as well. I regard it as a complete waste of energy.
Post # 15
Member
2855 posts
Sugar bee
@nycsa: but I do think it was very incosiderate not to show up.
Post # 16
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper
There are thank you cards for those who attended…. so….
