- 9 years ago
I don’t know how it is with you, but I tend to hold onto things when I should really let them go. Even after the fights, and the apologies, and the making up, I still feel pangs of anger and resentment, and I can’t seem to shake them. I also tend to have a short fuse when it comes to my SO. He’ll say something, or do something, and even though I know it didn’t mean anything, it sets me off, I’ll snap, and then ten minutes later after I’ve calmed down, I feel terrible about it.
Here’s an example:
Yesterday, I went over to his parents’ house because they were having a barbeque. He was going on and on about how happy he was that I was there and how lucky he is to have me. We’re sitting together in the backyard enjoying the day, and he just whips out his phone and starts texting another girl right in front of me. She’s a friend of his that he’s known forever, and she’s married (we just went to her wedding). I’m watching him have this conversation with her, and trying not to get miffed, but I finally had to say something. He apologized, and said he didn’t realize it would bother me, but I just thought it was a little rude of him. He showed me the texts and they were just about something cute his dog did, and the pictures from her wedding that we just got in the mail, but it rubbed me the wrong way. We discussed it, he apologized, I accepted, and yet here I am at my desk the next day and I’m still bothered.
This thread isn’t about that specific event though. It’s about why I can’t seem to let things go and why I let little things bother me so much that don’t even matter. It’s almost like I like being mad better than being happy. I cling onto anger and feed it rather than just rising above it and letting it go. It’s emotionally and physically draining, and yet I continue to do it. When I tell myself, I’ve decided I’m not going to let this bother me, I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Even my breathing improves. My body obviously knows what’s better for me, so why is my mind playing games with me?