Post # 1
How do you all feel about having friends hold your new born or visiting you in the beginning? I only ask because a friend of mine has very different views than I do (not judging– she’s allowed!) so I was just curious to see how everyone else feels.
Do you want friends/family to visit you during the first few weeks (for a short 20 minute visit… nothing crazy like staying at your house)?
Will you let friends/family hold your baby?
Post # 3
I have no problems with everyone and their mother coming to visit…I am not one of those people that feels that we need “time to bond” with the baby. This child will be coming home wiht us and staying with us. I can give up a few days of it’s life to other family members and friends.
Post # 4
Family memembers=great, strangers in the store=not great
ETA: I think short visits at the hospital were nice because you don’t feel like you have to entertain anyone. Spaced out visits once home were ok, but its a lot pressure on new parents to be put together and have the house picked up-when they bring snacks that is nice though. As far holding, I was fine with visitors holding my girls.
Post # 5
I think I’d be perfectly fine with visitors and have no problems with people coming by to see my baby. I dont need it to be *just* us to bond to be able to bond with our child. There is already a bond between baby and me that vistors cannot possibly even touch or come remotely close to damaging by being there. And yes, most my friends and family have had or been around newborns already are are well aware of how to hold a baby, so no problems there either.
Post # 6
I didn’t want a lot of people coming to visit mostly because I never got that nesting instinct and my house was a disaster and I wasn’t up to making it look presentable but as far as those that did visit holding baby, I had no problem with it. If any one was sick or thought they might be sick, they were respectful and didn’t come over.
Post # 7
I’m replying as the visitor: I am usually SHOCKED if a newborn is offered up to be held and I wait until offered and would NEVER ask.
I had a friend whose hubby greeted me at the door with hand sanitizer in hand – ready to help pump in into mine. I thought it was adorable. 🙂
I think it totally depends on the person and what they are comfortable with…
Post # 8
I had all kinds of people visit in the first two weeks. And I encouraged them all to hold the baby. Because he was a preemie, the doctor advised us to have people wash their hands first and everyone who visited was happy to comply.
While he of course was my baby, he was also their grandson, nephew, cousin, etc. and I wanted everyone who wanted a chance to hold him for themselves. Newborns just don’t last very long and I almost felt an obligation to share him with everyone who loved him. I also knew if Grandma or Aunt Linda, or Uncle Mike or whoever was holding him, I could relax for a few minutes.
Post # 9
From what I heard from friends, it better to have a good couple weeks to yourself (including husband) to bond with the baby. Unless you have a friend or family member who has been through it and knows to give us space.
Post # 10
As a visitor: My friend called me and told us we were welcome to come visit them in the hospital. I was pretty shocked because she had mentioned before that she only wanted family there, but glad she wanted us there. We actually ended up going to see them the day they got to bring their baby home at their home – I felt a little awkward, but she was happy to have someone there to hold the baby so she could get a little rest!
Side note, I still feel really awkward when I hold a newborn.
Post # 11
I might be in the minority here… I understand people want to come over and meet the new family member, and that’s fine. But I think a part of me will feel the need to entertain those people when they come over and that’s something I’d rather do without. I think I’d rather have people visit in the hospital, but ask that once I’m home, they give me a few days to rest and adjust to being a mom. Unless, of course, they want to bring food or do some laundry/house keeping for me 😉
Post # 12
For the first few weeks of my daughter’s life, I really didn’t want to hand her over to visitors. I was more comfortable with my parents, my in-laws, and our best friends holding her, but we had a couple other friends and co-workers visit, and I didn’t hand them Dirty Delete unless they specifically asked. Even then, it was for pretty limited time periods. It had nothing to do with our visitors; I just felt most comfortable when I was holding her for those first few weeks. Blame it on hormones or being a first time mom, but I didn’t want to share my baby. 🙂
Post # 13
Before my third child’s birth, I would have said yes, of course, come visit! I had always made sure everyone got to see the baby and got a hug and a (tired) smile, but with the last one, I was just so exhausted. I wanted to sleep and then there was a knock on the door. Now I’d ask everyone to wait.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t ever just walk over and pick up someone’s child (well, other than my sisters as of this point theoretical children). But my friends had a baby about a year ago and invited us to come visit in the hospital. I exspected to talk for a few minutes and leave but my friend was like, “Sure hold him if you want!” which I gleefully did. I have never seen a cuter 7 hour old baby. 🙂 Fiance wouldn’t touch him though because he was afraid of breaking the bitty baby.
I love babies so it always makes me a little sad when close friends (again not like, minor, i know someone who knows you) won’t let me hold their baby. I get it, but it isn’t like I am going to run off with your child. And I’m not dumb enough to ask to hold them if I’m sick. They are more likely to catch some disease from the hospital beds and nurse’s scrubs than your well friends.
Post # 15
I let everyone hold Dirty Delete when we first brought her home. My friends and family made me feel like I was the first woman ever to give birth-they were so excited for me, not to mention bringing all kinds of food,and gifts, even after they had gotten us shower gifts. Everyone went out of their way and above and beyond. If holding my kid for 60 seconds brightens their day-go ahead and hold her!
Oh ps-regarding entertaining. I didn’t do crap. People were happy to sit there and watch me breastfeed and talk about their experiences. It was entertainment in itself. Also, people will bring champagne. Now one day I did bust out the new chine for tea and whatnot, but my Mother-In-Law handwashed everything after it was used. =)
Post # 16
@Neva: “While he of course was my baby, he was also their grandson, nephew, cousin, etc. and I wanted everyone who wanted a chance to hold him for themselves.”
I totally agree with this. And having people over for short visits isn’t going to change or diminish the bond you have with your newborn child.