(Closed) Holiday Anxiety…what should I do???

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i’m sorry the holidays are rough for you. is there anything his father does or did that makes you uncomfortable? if it’s just the stress of the holidays, you shouldn’t isolate yourself. you should be with your dh, supporting each other because this will be a very difficult holiday for him too.

after the holidays, make an appointment with a therapist. it could really help you.

Post # 4
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I’m sorry that you are having to deal with loss, and that your anxiety and depression are worse than normal and making your problems difficult to deal with. Could you possibly elaborate on why you feel uncomfortable around your FIL? To me, it would be a very big deal if my husband didn’t want to spend Christmas with me and my family because they made him “uncomfortable,” especially if I’d gone through the recent loss of my mother. But as you said, it is probably hard for him to understand just how much anxiety you experience from the idea of spending time with his father. I think that you and your husband could benefit from a lot of very frank discussion with each other about your feelings on this. Anxiety is a very real and often crippling obstacle to people who suffer with it, but it can be frustrating to loved ones who want or need you to be there with them during important social times. If it were me and my husband, to be honest, he’d have to be suffering from very intense anxiety for me to be okay with him splitting us up for Christmas. I would ask him to work with his therapist to make sure he was doing everything he could with medication and therapy to make it possible to be with us. However, if he did all that, I would of course be open to the possibility that it might just be too much for him, and that I’d have to accept that for this one time. I hope you and your husband are able to work this out for this year and years to come – because you might not just be facing this for this one year, but for every year.

Post # 7
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I don’t mean to make you feel guilty about not working to overcome your anxiety, but I do hope you’ll consider the possibility of medication. I can’t even count the number of family members and friends I know who have resisted medication for anxiety, then when they finally went on it, said “I had no IDEA how much happier and calmer my life could be.” They didn’t know what they were missing. I hope things will work out well for you with this.

Post # 9
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@ohsograteful:it’s normal be wary of medication. try weekly talk therapy first. if a few months go by and you don’t feel any better, you and your therapist can explore the pros/cons of medication and decide what’s best for you. it’s not your only option, but it’s a good backup.

Post # 10
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’m sorry to hear about your anxiety and depression and agree with the others who advised to seek help and treatment.

Is there a way you can go with your husband to his dad’s house and make it less stressful (ie: stay in a hotel instead of at his house, but spend Saturday with his dad)?  

I don’t think you mentioned if it was important for your husband to have you go with him… but, that’s definitely something to consider.

I think while we both have our extended families, your primarily family is your husband and supporting him should be your primary concern.  While I know you’d rather be with your family than to put up with his father, I think if you think you can make it through the visit, you should put in the effort and go. 

If there are things you can think of that will make the visit more pleasant for you, then by all means, exhaust those options.

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