- 5 years ago
My husband and I are having holiday drama. Background on our families: my family is very small…all live in same town and spend all holidays together. M husband is from a big family. While he loves his family, holidays…living close to each other etc is not a priority. For example…. To not spend a holiday with his family is not a big deal. Would he like to? Sure. However if he doesn’t he is more like well ill catch you next time type of thing.
Well now that we are married our decision has been to split the holidays. Every other. For example last year we had thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine so we will flop this year. I have moved out of state 10 hours to be with my husband. We met in college and his job is here so I moved and got a job while we were engaged to avoid long distance. We still live here now. I’m okay with this bc I want to be with him obviously, but being away from my family is a sacrifice.
Now to the holidays. This year my parents and brother are coming to visit (its the first time they will be visiting us outside of college years bc they don’t have a lot of money and can’t afford coming to visit a lot) which is where the argument comes in. My fiancé does not want to go home for Thanksgiving since they are coming to visit. ( There would only be a month in between) He thinks bc we will be seeing them a trip on the holiday is unnecessary and just spending unnecessary money. He wants to not do the holiday with them at all and just go for a trip in a few months in February or march he said. To me, while another trip is nice its not spending the holiday together which is important to me. I know it’s a lot of money but that is something I value.
Anyway this was a huge long argument and blew up. I feel like he doesn’t understand the importance to me just because he doesn’t value something like this in the same wayI do. so far he hasn’t backed down and is in the well ” I still have to think about this mode” and will let me know when he decides if we are going to go or not. Can you please provide input for me? He got mad at be for being offended and getting upset.
he says he understands but I don’t think he really does. I am huge with family and I am already away from home So thats why i value seeing them and holidays even more. He also promised we can move closer to my family someday but he doesn’t want tied down and said in the future after we get some experiences in while we are young We could move closer. I agreed and am compromising bc I think that is reasonable. I wan him to be free and experience what he wants to. But things like this just make me sad bc I feel like he doesn’t get it