(Closed) Holiday Drama With Husband. Input?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
12242 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Since they’ll be visiting you soon, how about you travel to visit them for Easter?

Or trade this year so his family gets T-Day and your family gets Christmas?

Post # 18
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I agree with some of the above posters, if he doesn’t care that much maybe you can trade Thanksgiving and Christmas this year, that way there is a bit more space between you parents coming to visit you and you going to visit them.

Post # 19
9947 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ok, If I read this right…

Last year you spent Thanksgiving with his Family (close by) and Christmas with Yours (far away)

So you naturally thought, this year it would be the opposite…

Thanksgiving with Yours (far away), and Christmas with His (close by)

BUT now your Family has decided they’ll COME TO YOU for Christmas.

Your Hubby therefore is saying it doesn’t make sense to him that you want to also spend Thanksgiving with them… (far away)… just because it is the opposite to what you did last year, and what you in your mind have already committed to.

I get the fairness argument you are presented… and it is a good one… in so much as lots of couples argue about Inlaws & Holidays.

BUT I also see your Hubby’s POV.

You don’t have to be quite so rigid… nothing says it can’t be similar to last year…

Thanksgiving with his family, and Christmas with yours… just that Christmas will be at your house this year

Which brings up another point, and something you haven’t mentioned…

Which means, that at Christmastime you and your Hubby will be surround by BOTH families … and also have to make some decisions on who to spend time with… No ?

Everyone together at yours ?

Evreyone together at his folks ?

Christmas Eve with one Family… Christmas Day with the Other ?

Christmas Day… half & half ?

These are issues that most married couples (Newlyweds face)

My best advice is stay flexible.

Dividing up time with Family over the Holidays is a good thing… but sometimes that isn’t just divided up by the actual Holiday but also by available time.

This becomes more apparent if you have kids.

When I was married to my Ex, and my Parents were the ones that lived closest, they came to understand that they had the MOST OPPORTUNITIES to spend with us… Holidays or otherwise.

So that was a BONUS for them, that the Inlaws didn’t have (as I said, more so when the kids came along)

There were years where we’d pack up and fly out to see my Hubby’s Family for a week or more over the Christmas Holidays (taking major vacation) or years that his Parents came to visit us.

There were other years where we’d spend Christmas with my Family… sometimes at their house, often at ours once the kids came along (less issues when it came to Santa)

Other Holidays were similar… Easter, Thanksgiving, etc.  Sometimes we went to my Parents, sometimes they came to us.  And sometimes one of us had “other plans”… could be with other members of the Family, Friends, etc.

So we most certainly had Holidays when we did our own thing… established our own routine & traditions (good thing if you have kids, cause some day… they’ll be looking to you to come home to as well)

We went with the flow, and tried to even it out whenever possible.  And YES my Parents missed us when we packed up the whole dang family and went to his Family for Christmas… but they survived.  We worked around it for their sake and the kids (Christmas came early or late)… or they shipped Presents for the kids to wherever we’d be etc.

The trick isn’t always 50/50… the trick is finding what works for the “situation” you are presented with at any given time…

Hope this helps


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