(Closed) Holiday SIL Drama

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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bridegirl007:  Advice about talking with your new husband about holidays:  Perhaps you can approach it as starting traditions as you develop your own family?

Post # 3
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

Why was it an automatic yes from your hubby? And what happened to the plans you had with your family? It seems a bit unfare.

 

My only advice is to talk to your husband and really just be clear about what YOU WANT.

Post # 4
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - Old Mill Boathouse

This was one thing I always worried about when it came to my family and my future SO’s family when I was younger, I was always concerned as I have a very large family on my side and I wondered if finally finding a partner that it would throw a wrench in to an already difficult time of year (albeit my favorite time nonetheless) but, as weird as it is to say, ‘I got lucky’ my SO’s family is distant at best, and really only has his sister now that his father passed away this year and even before then they never really did ‘christmas’, sometimes they’d have dinner on boxing day but that was about all.

It’s made it so much easier.

This isn’t helpful but I can see how hard it must be, I would sit down hand have a long conversation about it with your SO only because eventually if it keeps happening somebody’s feelings are going to get hurt.

Post # 6
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

So, you had to cancel on your family, cancel on the grandparents and cut time down with his mom so you could see her? Last minute? Oh hell no. I don’t know why this is a battle to pick with her, your husband should understand when he does that all the other people are listed as less important and she could have requested plans ahead of time like everyone else.

 

ETA also, your parents raised you and one of them actually shoved you put of her body. Why do they get bumped??

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by  Rappig.
Post # 7
Member
7559 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Yeah your SIL didn’t make this mess. Your husband did. Anyone can ask for anything under the sun. That doesn’t mean they have to get it. Your issue needs to be with your husband who caved into her, at your expense and the expense of your parents. 

Post # 8
Member
3507 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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bridegirl007:  I deff think you and your husband should sit down and talk about it. If you both aren’t on the same page that will cause tons of problems. Not sure if you guys have kids but if you don’t, once you do have kids you can please everyone it’s impossible. I have the same issues cause DH has a larg family but we agree to not make any plans before talking with each other.

Post # 11
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

“Honey, I am so happy to have a life with you. Can I just share something with you though? This is my first Christmas morning not with my family in my entire life and I am having a hard time. I’m glad that we can mostly fit everyone in, but can we make plans so we include everyone ahead of time? It was difficult to change everything last minute for me. What do you think our planning policy for Christmas scheduling should be?”

 

Or something like that. Don’t make it about SIL.

Post # 12
Member
47439 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your SIL is playing the guilt card and your DH is responding. Leave it be for now, then have a discussion in the New Year about how importnat it is for the two fo you to make family decisions together.

Post # 13
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would make him call her back and tell her you need to stick to the original plan.  Him agreeing to her demands, when you already had set plans, is completely unfair.  She needs to put on her big girl panties and realize she can’t always get her way.  And HE needs to put on his big boy panties and start telling her no.

Post # 14
Member
11381 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Wow. He changed plans without even asking you but you are expected to go along with this? That would upset me, esp since it’s your family that got shoved to the end. 

I don’t think you need to make it about SIL at all, but it is about how two adult humans make plans that involve the other. He needs  to learn to check with you before agreeing to anything.

Post # 15
Member
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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bridegirl007:  oh my god. This sounds like I wrote this post. Seriously. What is it with SILs?!??

We had a whole plan this year with my family and my SIL ruined it. Our plan was for everyone to stay over Christmas Eve and do Christmas morning at our house. Everyone agreed to do It. A week before, SIL decides she’s not leaving the house on Christmas Day and we all need to go to her (45 minutes away) instead. My husband said yes, of course because he feels bad that his parents are traveling 5 hours. 

Yours is a bit different because it interferes with plans with your family and mine just changes our location. I don’t think that is fair for him to change plans when it interferes with your family plans. Bottom line is you will just need to bring it up with him gently  

I also sometimes think my husband wants to please his family over me. This is our first Christmas married and I think it’s just something he will have to get used to. 

The topic ‘Holiday SIL Drama’ is closed to new replies.

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