(Closed) Holiday Travel Family Drama…Argh.

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

We do somewhat, but our families live close, so no biggie.

I know this is difficult, but my recommendation is to take Christmas day and spend it with your family – no traveling, just get there and enjoy – and meet up with FI’s family when you can. Next year, switch.

For us, we’re doing Christmas Eve and his families’ place, and Christmas Day with mine. We could drive to spend half a day with his family, but we opted to take the time to just relax.

Post # 4
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This happens to us EVERY year because of FI’s mom. It is him and his sister and his mom. She takes it upon her self to plan what she wants (it also depends on her new husdands schedule with his childre). Keep in mind all the “children I speak of are adults. She will schedule things in the middle of the afternon so there is no way to “share” the day. Last year she called Fiance the week before Christmas and cancelled all plans with him and went off for half an hour about how he is a terrible son and never calls her and doesn’t do things are her house any more. She also did this the week before our daughter’s first birthday.

What we have decided is that if people schedule things that conflict with previously scheduled plans, then “sorry we will be missing that day. we would love to see another time, but that doesn’t work for us.”

Post # 5
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I’ve heard that, as bad as it sounds, a lot of people switch off for years.  All you one year, all him the next. 

 

As for us, our families like “close” (we’re talking 3 hours) so we do Christmas Eve with his, and Christmas day at our house with mine. 

Post # 6
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee

Im so sorry you have to go through this – this is the one reason I am glad we are different religions.  The only holiday we have to “share” is Thanksgiving!  I think you should keep your plans as is and next year switch and do Xmas night-New Years Eve with the in-laws.  Hopefully they understand – it sounds like Grandma is the upset one and not the rest of the family?

Post # 7
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry things are complicated with them.  But it seems like you have already made the plans so I think it would be too late to change them around the other way.  I think it was sort of rude of them to not even ask you about what your plans were before making plans with his grandmother.  They knew that you were coming from out of town and that you wouldn’t be there all the time.  Is there any way that you could switch it around next year where you go to your family first and then show up at his family on Christmas?  I hope you can get things worked out somehow.  And why can’t his grandmother spend time with the entire family to see you two?

Post # 8
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Oh, I feel for you.  SO MUCH.

Post # 9
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

This same BS happened with us this year too.  We were pretty upset.  My husband’s brother, who lives the farthest away (6 hours) just thought that he should get to decide when Christmas was celebrated this year.  We all brought up when we wanted to celebrate it when we were together this Thanksgiving and he was like “oh well it has to be over New Year’s weekend because my wife and I already took off those days and we have had them scheduled off for months”.  Ummm… hello?  You didn’t contact any of the other 3 families when you asked for those days off to make sure that was when the 12 of us would want to celebrate Christmas too?  Anyway, my husband’s mom is pretty upset that her other son would do this.  Because of him the whole family isn’t going to be together now.  I am having surgery on the 28th and my husband and I won’t be able to make it to see all of them on New Year’s weekend.  So we are going on Christmas eve instead and we will be the only ones there besides his parents.

Sometimes I think people are really inconsiderate.  And it’s unfortunate that this had to happen this year when it is our first Christmas together as newlyweds.  We really wanted to make sure we could schedule the Christmases correctly, but what can we do?  My doctor says I have to stay home so I can’t really go and make that next weekend just because his brother said that is when he took off of work. 

It’s like just because he lives 6 hours away he is the one that is entitled.  The rest of us live 2 or 3 hours away too and we should also get some say.

Post # 10
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

For all of the people who rotate years, doesn’t it stink though to not see your family, or do you see them just not on the traditional holidays. What will you do when you have children, will they really not see a set of grandparents at Christams?

I wish we could come up with a solution to our drama.

Post # 11
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We struggle with this too. I get really peeved because his family usually wants us there Christmas Eve and Christmas and seem to think we are trying to hurt them if we aren’t there for every second of the holiday. We try to do stuff with my mom, stepdad, and brothers on Christmas Eve and I know it pisses my mom off that we have to leave by 4 to drive up to his fam. Its just frustrating because we are constantly driving and trying to see everyone and appease everyone…and so many people get upset with us. Its like we can’t win no matter how hard we try. So this year we are going to my moms on Christmas Eve and driving up to his parents to spend the night and spend it there on Christmas.

Its worse on Thanksgiving because that really is only ONE day…I don’t know what we would do if we didn’t live within an hour of them all.

Post # 12
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

@mrskesslertobe: We used to rotate where we went to Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine but this year has been different because we don’t live near his family anymore and we haven’t been able to afford to go there this holiday season.  Eventually, we hope to be able to see each family for one holiday and we see them other times of the year too (my dad came here to visit us in October this year).

Post # 13
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

So what do you all plan to do when you have a family with your own kids?  Are you still going to be driving around to your parent’s house with the kids?  Because I feel like once you have your own kids you should be allowed to stay home with them and start your own family tradition.  I know my husband will still probably want to go to our parent’s homes though.  At what point do you start having Christmas on your own?  And what do your parents do then?

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